Perpetual Joy

Bullying comes from me

2010-11-19T15:33:00.003-05:00

Oxford dictionary

Bully (noun): a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidation over those who are weaker.

--Or--

Bully (verb): to use strength or or influence to intimidate someone, typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

There is so much being written right now about bullying. The newest focus of bullying has been put on homosexuality, but in the last week I’ve also read two other accounts of bullying. One is over at Bust magazine, where you can read article about how women are bullied because of their social choices. And the other is on a mama’s blog, where you can read about how a girl was bullied because the daughter chose a water bottle that was different then all the other girls, and was too “boyish.”

The second article is titled “bullying starts in first grade” but you know what? It doesn’t start in first grade. It starts the moment we want our kid to be someone other then they are. It starts the moment we want other kids to be someone other then who they are. And it happens EVERYWHERE. Not just with gay kids, or with sexually promiscuous girls, or girls who choose the star wars water bottle over the pink water bottles. It happens to adults, to parents, to people everywhere! Our country was based on bullying. In fact, it seems as though every industrial country exists because of bullying. And of course that is not to say that bullying does not go on in “non” industrial countries. It seems pretty pervasive…

While thinking about this topic while out on a run, I was mystified and quite overwhelmed at the topic of bullying. “It’s everywhere!” I was realizing. “How did this happen? What can we do?” where some of the questions popping up in my head. One could surely do a historical overview to find some of the original causes of our current culture of bullying, which has basically reflected the last three thousand years or so of bullying. And while I actually might find that interesting, and have gone down paths such as that before (and have some rather long papers from college to prove it!), I thought I’d go a bit inward with this. (and those that know me are saying, "*of course* she's taking this inward"! {BWG!} )

Where does bullying really live? What is this bullying all about, on the inside, for me? Well, we know that bullying lives within us, because it seems fairly obvious that most of us are in constant battle with ourselves. And if I ask the question, “where does it come from” and I go inward a bit, I come up with the pretty obvious answer: on every level, bullying comes from me.

I don’t just mean that *I* bully others. I mean, yes, I do! I can freely admit that I have

bullied my daughter from day one. I bully other kids. I bully my husband. I bully other parents! Every time I have judgment, in my opinion, that has some bullying energy behind it. And when the judgment extends to words and actions, then there is full fledge bullying going on! So yes, bullying comes from me. And I am not happy about that. At all. And I am doing my best to stop bullying. That is a topic in an of itself. HUGE!!!!

But what I also realized is that bullying comes from me, in that *I bully myself.* And here is where it gets a bit more tricky and words start to feel limited to me, but I’ll do my best. When feelings come up, rather then *feel* them, our culture encourages us to do anything but feel them. We might feel them for a bit, especially when we’re unable to hold it all in anymore, but rarely do we feel our feelings to the point of integration. And more importantly, rarely do we take responsibility for our feelings. We are much more likely to get angry at someone or something. Or become a victim. Guilt, shame, blame. Rarely does feeling our feelings lead to integration and empowerment.

So what does this mean for our kids? Well, it can be subtle or it can be quite overt. It can mean that when my kid wants to do something, and I judge her want, and show my judgment through facial expressions or other body language, or in more obvious ways such as tone of voice or value ridden language, I’m using my influence over my kid. I’m using my influence as mother, as “permission giver,” as {insert role here} so that she’ll do what I want, or perhaps so that she’ll not do what I don’t want her to. I choose to name this bullying, because I can purposely use my own power as mama, especially if she wants to please me or if she is looking for my acceptance (hence, using power to influence someone who is weaker). And I can also call it bullying, because I *am* bigger then her, and I do have more power then her, on all sorts of levels.

As I stated above, we’ve all done this. And perhaps not all of it’s “bad.” We’ve all read of how to convey messages to our kids using facial expressions…. The baby goes to something we might think of as dangerous, and we scowl or use vocal inflection to let her know that we don’t approve of that. When the baby changes course, we go back to smiling and coo-ing at her. And then as the child grows older, this type of exchange continues to occur, on a larger scale level, with more intent, and with more judgment and with the desire to exert more control.

So what does this have to do with feelings? When our kids want to do something that we don’t agree with, it seems to be the easiest and most popular route to react to what is being requested.

Kid: “Can I have candy for breakfast?”

Mama: “Why in the world would you want to do that to your body?”

“Only if you want to get cavities.”

“Sure, if you’re ok with acting like a crazy person.”

“I’m not ok with you putting poison into your body.”

Notice how all the responses are judgment laden, and overt a very clear desire on the part of the parent, in hopes that the child will make a different choice. What might happen if, instead of responding with a reaction based in fear, the mom took a moment to think about what was coming up inside of her. And what if she allowed her self to have that fearful conversation *inside of her head* and went into that fear. What if she were to find some clarity about what the reaction of fear was all about for her?

I have the suspicion that if parents choose to completely feel their feelings, and choose to feel what was coming up inside of them when their kid wanted to do something that mentally triggered them into either saying no or wanting to control, then the need to bully our kid into submission would not be occurring on the level it is.

So, how does this fit into the larger bullying that is going on, out in the world? It seems clear to me, that if kids are being bullied from a very young age, by those that raise them, that it would only make sense to bully others as a way to feel a sense of control over their own environment.

The hot topic these days is teen suicide. Is it any wonder why there is an increase in our kids wanting to kill themselves? Is it any wonder why there is an increase of kids in their single digits expressing thoughts of suicide? Bullying is not just coming from parents; it’s coming from everywhere. The energy of bullying permeates across race, religion, class, ect.

What might possibly kill the effects of bullying? I realize it sounds pretty airy fairy, but it seems to me that love might kill the effects of bullying. And not just love from others either, but an inner self-love.

What **is** the opposite of bullying? Acceptance? Love? That might be taking it too far, at least according to the dictionary, which uses the words allow and liberate… (That feels pretty good to me…. To be a liberator of my child, or any other person, rather then a bully…) But the energy behind the opposite of bullying, for me, is found in love and acceptance.

And what, then, is the opposite of bullying oneself? Self-acceptance? Self love? How can we get there? Will blaming, shaming, or feeling guilt lead to self-acceptance or self-love? Not for me! Every person is different, but for me, feeling my feelings has led me to truly loving and accepting myself. And in doing so, helps me to love and accept my child. Is this an easy path? Not always. Is it an empowering path? Yeah, it is. Is it a path filled with love and acceptance? Absolutely.

Why do I do what i do?

2010-09-30T17:31:00.010-04:00

The Enjoy Life Unschooling's blog carnival theme this month is: Why do you do what you do?

What a fun blog carnival theme!

Ultimately I do what I do because it both makes sense and feels good. And looking back, those factors are always what led me to follow a lifestyle that can be labeled as unschooling. It always made sense to continue to follow the interests and joys of my kid, long after she was out of diapers and had started speaking in complete sentences.

It always made sense to treat her as a person, rather then an inferior being whose wants and needs were not as important as mine. It always made sense to support her in doing what was fun and joyful for her to do.

In short, I do what I do, because it works, for every person in my family. :)

Going deeper into other reasons for why I do what I do...... I've been slowly undoing a lot of mainstream norms throughout my life (I gave up organized religion when I was in college, and gave up organized medicine when I was in my 20s), so I suppose it only makes sense that my "undoing" led me to question mainstream parenting and then the education system as well as I entered my 30s.

The great thing about unschooling *for me* is that it really supports my own personal desire to deconstruct all sorts of assumptions that I was raised with. Having deconstructed some of the big ones (Sexuality, Religion, Education, Medicine), I am left to deconstructing more of the "mundane" components of living, which range from how I react to various situation to challenging the ideology of "radical unschooling" itself.

Living a life of undoing/deconstruction/unschooling means "un-ing" everything for me.... stripping away all the assumptions, beliefs, expectations that originate from mainstream ideology to counter culture ideology. It means not following any expert or specialist, even those most revered or a part of my deconstruction journey, and instead listening to my own inner guide to find what feels good *with in me*.

The more undoing that I do, the more free that I feel, and the deeper my connection with my child becomes. So yeah, why do I do what I do? Cause damn, it feels good!!! :)

It is what it is, always.

2010-09-25T21:10:00.003-04:00

I have been "working" on being present w/ Kathrynn in each moment.
Yeah yeah yeah old record but what this means for me continues to
change , constantly. Being in each moment has morphed so much over the
last few years, as it keeps breaking down, showing me how many things
can really be in "each moment" when I'm in my head, versus my heart. When I am aware of
my thoughts and judgments, I can see me how "unpresent" i really
am. (or maybe that i am still present, but in judgment, rather in
peace.....)

I have recently realized that when I blame foods or sleep or "other",
I am not really being w/ her in full peaceful presence, because I am
too busy being bitter or in explanation-land about said behavior.

Today at the roller skating rink I blamed a brief "meltdown" on the red
dye number 40 she had had 20 minutes prior. you see, I've come up w/ a
theory over the last 6 months that she might have a reaction to that
ingredient, because while she seems mostly fine w/ sugar, she has reacted a
few times after having artificial colors. So as she was melting down,
I was compassionate in appearance and in action, but in my mind I was
cursing that red dye number 40. This turned into a landslide of me cursing all sorts of various foods that have artificial dyes, not to mention foods w/ mile long ingredient lists that I can't pronounce. My goodness my mind was in over drive!

My head was spinning in resentment and bitterness, over this damn
society in which we live that is filled with dangerous items for my
child to react to!!!!!!! (Can anyone say VICTIM?!?!?!? lol)

As I went out to skate I realized I'd done it again! I'd blamed the
behavior on the X. on the Y, and especially the Z. (This is something I've been cognitively working on *not doing.*) Today it was food I was blaming (old pattern) but it could have just as easily been many other things I was blaming- all things that i could "justifiably"
blame: Kathrynn had too busy of a day, her body was tired, she was
needing the broken cookie to process some repressed feelings, ect and
so on. It's not that any of those "excuses" were not true- it's more
that IT DOES NOT MATTER!!!!

Coming up with excuses to justify behaviors that bring about
discomfort in our society is really nothing more then a control issue
for me. Excuses give me the illusion of control to be able to explain
away my kid's behavior. It might make me feel better as a parent to
explain her behavior away, or feel like my kids behavior is "ok"
because of x, y and z- and both of those come down to issues of
control IME.

In justifying and blaming, I was not as connected to my child when she
was experiencing her "meltdown" as I could have been. If I hadn't been
so busy in explaining away her behavior in my mind, I would have been
more empathetic and still and loving- not just in action and
appearance, but in my inner being, where peaceful presence resides for
me. If I had not been blaming and judging, I would have been done w/
the experience when she was done w/ the experience, but instead I was
angry and bitter and peeved for hours afterward. Not a whole lot of
peaceful presence in that!

Why do I so desperately want to control these uncomfortable
encounters, by taking it to my mind, instead of staying in my heart?
For me it's fear- fear of me being a bad parent, fear of my kid
displaying "unacceptable" behaviors, fear of not knowing when the
encounter will be over, fear that I'll explode.... It's a long list,
and yet when I stay in peaceful presence none of those fears exists.
The fear may exists in my heart, but the story of fear is not there,
and so the fear has no power- I can just be with that fear, in the
same way I can be with my child- compassionately and lovingly.

When I can BE with my child, as she turns into a puddle on the floor, I can
find that quiet place inside my heart and being, and just ride the
wave. And then it is over, and we can be in the next moment... which
exists because it exists, and for no other real reason other then it
is what it is. Always.

Fun blog post :)

2010-09-08T15:49:00.005-04:00

Arun recently posted an interesting meme on his blog that i found from Frank.
Feel free to do this on your own blog, and please leave me a comment so I can find yours!

“I live in…” Bloomington, Indiana
“The last time I had a huge belly laugh with my child was when…” We share lots of belly laughs constantly- every day I'd say! We shared one last night over something that Kathrynn said, which really just made us all bust out laughing. :)
“My mother would often tell me…” that's not lady-like. :P
“To be the sort of parent I aspire to being, I find myself becoming more…” Aware and gentle.
“If I had a two-week, fully-paid holiday with absolutely no responsibilities and no kids, I would…” I have no desire to have a 2 week vacation without my kid.... If she was with my husband, I could have 1 week away and enjoy myself. I love to travel, so wow, picking one spot would be difficult. But I think i'd wind up somewhere hot and near the ocean-- ok, i'll pick Thailand!!!
When my child gets older, I'd love to travel around Ireland with my husband. :)
“A book that profoundly impacted on my life is…” Illusions by Richard Bach was life changing. :)
“I secretly would like to…” play around in Amsterdam for a week or so.
“At my funeral I want…” there to be a joyful celebration near a body of water with some dancing, excellent food and drink.

“I am…” loving the journey.
“Right now I am in…” a peaceful place.
“Most people do not know that I…” really am out of the box regarding most areas of my life. :P
“I am passionate about…” being self aware and connected to my family.
“Decades from now, when my child thinks of me, I hope that she remember…” that I did the best that I could in each moment, and loved her in each and every moment.
“My soul feels warm and I have a big smile when I remember…” how much I love my family.
“If I could go back in time and give one piece of advice to myself when I was 18 years old it would be to…” remind myself that there is nothing more powerful then what exists within me already.
“I think that the most important thing about life is…” to be connected with one's inner Source.

Michelangelo Joy :)

2010-09-06T16:50:00.010-04:00

Kathrynn had a few lemonade stands to raise money to cover the adoption fees for the precious kitty she had picked out to adopt!

He came to our house after living with a foster mama on July 30, 2010. He was just under 3 months old. :)

His enormous head and ears are two of his adorable features. :)

August 8, 2010

August 22, 2010

It didn't take long before his arms and legs started to get longer, and his tail too...... We're guessing he's going to be a big boy!
August 24, 2010

Here is is, snuggled with the queen of our house, 15 year old Jazmine.
We spent a lot of (wasted) time trying to keep Michelangelo out of Jazmine's food and water, as well as her "perch". We found that the more control we attempted, the more of a waste of time it was. hahah!!! ;)

They are still getting used to each other. Jazmine is still trying to figure out who this kitty is and why he's in her house. And Michelangelo is trying to figure out why this big cat won't play with him. :)

September 7

Michelangelo loves "playing" with our guinea pig Nadine. :P

That's our life with Michelangelo for 5 weeks!!! :)

Exploring the layers of "yes"........

2010-08-18T20:20:00.006-04:00

Something happened at the zoo yesterday- I don't know if I'd call it a break through but some kind of shift of understanding.....

We were having a great day, totally in flow.
Then we went to the dolphin show, where Kathrynn decided she wanted to sit up close to the trainers, the area where you get wet. So we sat there, and then didn't really get that wet. In retrospect I see now that she totally expected to get soaked or at least kinda wet, not just get a few drops of water on us.....
So after the show, she was devastated that she did not get soaked. She had one of her classical "allergy reactions"- and yeah I actually think it could have been a reaction to the ice cream she ate- but really it doesn't matter to me in the bigger scheme of things.

She was so so so so SO upset and just kept going on and on and ON about it.
I just held her, offered silence, empathy, explanations, based on what she was wanting from me. Eventually she just kept saying that she wanted to get wet.... over and over, as if by saying it enough I could magically make it happen! I'll get back to this later. :P

Eventually she asked me something she'd never asked me before- how I'd feel if I was the one who had been disappointed. I told her that I might have been sad and angry, and that I would have felt my feelings until I was done. And then I would have tried to enjoy the rest of my day. It was really interesting to have that exchange with her.

Well, eventually she moved through her feelings, and we sat outside for awhile so that I could get some good old deep breathing in as well as get clear myself. We were both in good spaces when she remembered the elephant show she wanted to see. We were about 5 or so minutes late and it was over by the time we got there.... when we walked up kids were petting the elephant (so I'm actually thinking they skipped the show? not sure). Kathrynn was not interested in petting the elephant (although she usually is) and then sobbed some more because she'd missed the show.

Then we went to visit the goats, where you can pet them and sit down next to them. When she pulled at the gate and it wouldn't open she started to sob again. It was like she really needed to unleash all that emotion, until she was really done- and after the first thing that set her off (the dolphin show), it didn't matter what it was, she just had to keep releasing and releasing.....
Turns out you just had to turn a knob for the gate to open, so she quickly flowed into everything being ok and then had a great time w/ the goats and then there was a snake talk right next to that that she loved, and all was well......

At some point, after the elephant breakdown, she was sobbing that the only way that things would be ok is if we got more tickets and went on more rides. We'd already used up all our tix at this point and I was not wanting to spend anymore money, and was wanting to leave around 4 to avoid rush hour, and was tired and ready to go (the zoo can be a bit of stretch for me on a variety of levels) , AND I pretty much realized that she was doing whatever she could do to put off the inevitable... the transition of leaving the zoo. (transitions are particularly difficult for us)

In retrospect I also see that she was wanting me to do things that would "make it all ok." It started with- if I could have magically fixed it so that the dolphins could have splashed her, if I could promise her that next time we went to the zoo she'd get splashed, if we could come back tomorrow so that she'd get splashed then, if, if, if, if!!! When I could not make her dolphin experience any different then it was, those "ifs" morphed into- if I bought more tickets, if I bought more ice cream, if we went on all the rides again, THEN things would be fine....

I was thinking about an exchange on a yahoo group last week- how sometimes saying no to someone else can be saying yes to yourself, and conversely that sometimes saying yes to someone can be saying no to oneself..... I *could* have said what the hell, lets go on more rides, or, yes let's have more ice cream, because that would have made her happy, in that moment. But then we'd still have to transition out of there, and I'd have spent more money, and I'd be in the middle of rush our traffic, and I'd be further into my own mental breaking point. I could have chosen all that, and have in the past. And to be honest, it probably would have been "fine." But that's really not what I wanted... It's not what felt 'right.'

I wound up explaining the rush hour situation to her, and that we'd already used the 14 ticket pass that we'd bought for the day, and that she'd gone on every ride at the zoo already, and that at some point it was just going to be time to leave.... and then proposed an idea of what to see last, which she then added something to also, and then somehow, we were done talking about it, and we both flowed through the rest of our zoo experience together. And the rest of the afternoon went perfectly.

I'm not sure quite what I'm saying.... I'm wondering at what age kids stops thinking that parents can make everything right in the world..... and I'm wondering if I've elongated that for my child because in the past I have gone to the ends of the earth to kinda make sure everything *is* right in the world for her...... Admittedly, I have often done all that has been in my 'power' to make those "ifs" happen for Kathrynn, often times because her discomfort was too much for me, and other times because I felt I *had* to self sacrifice *for* her.....

Many of you may be wondering what the big deal is. You see, I'm a "Yes!" Mom! I heard no a lot growing up, and probably would have been that way myself if I hadn't found unschooling when Kathrynn was about 6 months old. Over time I found that saying yes to Kathrynn was an amazing part of my own internal growth- wanting to be able to say yes more then no forced me to really examine my choices, my fears, my belief systems. It became immensely freeing and expansive to say YES! And yet, there have been times when for reasons I alluded to above, I have said yes to her, which resulted in a no to myself. I have only started to really internally deal with that pattern in the past year, and it's been a slow trip for me to uncover the foundation for being a proud yes mom. :)

Yesterday I had the 'power' to say yes, but that it didn't feel good to me to say yes, and on many levels would have been saying no to me....... Instead we talked about it, expressed emotions about it, and came out on the other side in connection and in peace.

I guess all of this sounds trite, but there is a subtle shift going on inside of me, on all sorts of levels, and this is just one of them that I can grasp.... There is a shifting of consciousness going on, for both Kathrynn and myself. I'm full of appreciation that we are partners on this journey.

The joy in feeling uncomfortable...... flip side to: kid, please act a certain way so i don't have to feel uncomfortable.....

2010-08-05T11:01:00.005-04:00

We had a rather intense weekend last weekend, as another radical unschooling family came into our lives. Whoops- I think it was mostly intense for me, not the rest of my family. ;)

After all was said and done, I realized that I was wanting my child to behave a certain way, so as to allow me to feel comfortable with the visit.

The details are too long and intricate to delve into here, but in short, due to some internal issues I've been processing, I was primed for going deep into some old fears, some unresolved anger, and pain and fear from my childhood. That anger unconsciously got transferred to my kid, that fear was internalized by me, and immobilized me on a variety of levels.

My visiting guest, who is keen on picking up energetic nuances, was aware of my internal crisis, but on the outside things were relatively calm. There was no yelling, no external displays of anger, no punishing. I was seemingly kind and gentle with my child. My thoughts were not as kind, however, nor were my expectations and assumptions.

I choose to ignore the comfort levels of my child, because at some level I was wanting my guests to feel comfortable, which could superficially lead to *me* feeling comfortable.

I choose to act in a way and make choices that lost site of who my child is...... My fear of rejection (which for me feels very unsafe) and my projection of my own issues led me down a path where I stopped partnering with my child, and started partnering with my fears.

What a long strange trip it was, and it took quite a bit of time for me to process through all the intense feelings I was feeling.... Days after the family was long gone, I was still feeling my feelings, and unraveling the pieces of what I was feeling. (Much love to Kathy, who I have lauded here before, for taking on an "emergency" Matrix Reimprinting session w/ me, which helped me to uncover some even more deeply buried stuff....)

Wow, what an eye opening experience to see how I used my child as pawn, to avoid my own uncomfortabless. Even more daunting is to realize I have been doing this all her life....

My expectations and assumptions that she act certain ways are rooted in my own fears and baggage. And yet instead of that feeling overwhelming, it ultimately feels empowering, as the pieces start to come together, regarding why she has acted certain ways under certain circumstances all these years.....

It is empowering for me to choose to feel my feelings, even when they are extremely uncomfortable in the moment. It is empowering because I am choosing to be in *my* business, to wade through my shit, because in doing so, I am able to partner with my child and be with her where she is...... Choosing to feel my feelings of fear, anger and sadness allow me to process through my stuff, so that she is able to be truly free in her present moment, and not stuck in my unintegrated moment/baggage, which can cloud my perceptive of what is going on with her.

After our guests were gone, and I had done a lot of processing, I acknowledged to Kathrynn some of the assumptions and expectations I had unknowingly placed upon her. I apologized, and also expressed how amazing I thought she had been; she too had been in a situation which led to her explore and expand her own boundaries and levels of comfort, and in my opinion she did so with both effort and some grace. (much more grace then myself!)

After all is said and done, I see and feel the Joy that comes from choosing to feel my feelings, even when they are extremely uncomfortable and painful for that moment. (And it is here that I must call out to my friend Patience....ohhhhh patience!!!))
It is a journey, and the result is a level of flow and connection and presence.

"I am that Mom, the one who . . . "

2010-07-26T19:15:00.005-04:00

Inspired by Ronnie (who was inspired by Flo) **giggle giggle**........

I've been thinking about this for quite some time, because the reactions of other parents to my intense child often intrigue, surprise, and flat out entertain me. In particular, the reactions of other mothers (and occasionally fathers) who watch as my child is free to express herself any way she chooses in any particular moment, assuming that no one is getting physically hurt/feeling unsafe. :P

I am that Mom, the one who stands with her feet rooted to the ground- often silent, sometimes quiet, (occasionally not) - while her daughter comes at her with fists flailing, legs kicking, words blaring and temper flying.

I am that Mom, who seems to ignore the other adult in the room, who is telling her kid that "[insert various behavior/emotion] is not a nice way to treat your mom."

I am that Mom, who takes a deep breath and fills herself with presence, while her child expresses her various emotion in the best way that she knows how, in that exact moment.

I am that Mom, who knows that her kids intense emotions will not be there for long, and knows that if she can maintain presence, the behavior will shift, ebb and flow, quite quickly. And that LATER, they can talk about it.

I am that Mom, who, after all is said and done, is often caught off guard by how FAST those emotions can come, and go.

I am that mom, who is filled with gratitude and appreciation when she remembers to remain calm on the outside, and sometimes on the inside too, when such things occur.

And

I am that mom, who remembers that there will certainly be a next time when she can do 'better', when her presence does falter, and her own emotions get the best of her. :)

Peaceful parenting, for me, not my child......

2010-07-20T13:23:00.004-04:00

The other day one of my friends posted this on a yahoo group:
" I love to see my "progress" reflected back to me through my experience of him."

She was talking about how when she does her internal work, it brings about changes not just within her, but outside of her as well, in "him". I agree- I have seen this happen countless times, and sometimes to the extent that the change in someone I'm connected to seems almost miraculous.

I appreciate the "side effects" that can come from doing my internal work.
I have seen "magical" things occur after I've done some clearing away of old stuff. In general, any time I take responsibility for the change I want to see in the my life, an internal shift usually occurs, and is often matched by an external shift. Reading Michael Brown's The Presence Process brought about enormous shifts in my life, internally and externally. More recently, matrix reimprinting, has also brought about a lot of external change to match the internal changes, and it kinda blows me out of the water each time it happens because I am not expecting it *at all*.

I think that for me, the key seems to be me doing my own internal work, with no external assumptions, expectations, or strings attached. ie, I am doing this work FOR ME.

I can see how doing things with other intent in mind backfires on me.....
ie, I am peaceful parenting *so that* I have a peaceful child.

I unknowingly jumped in this bandwagon and let me tell you that the results of me "peacefully parenting" have not always yielded a "peaceful child." *bwg*
I read on various unschooling lists how great it is that when you treat your kids with respect that these kids will also be respectful. That when you are peaceful, your kids are peaceful. I have learned "the hard way" (lol), that setting up the intention that way was a way for me to covertly get what *I* wanted- which was a "product" or a kid that I wanted to be the way I wanted her to be.

Now I am working to be the kind of parent/person that I want to be, for ME. I know that my kid is not here to "reward" me for my choices of parenting, or to make me feel good, ect and so on.

Sometimes I still cringe when I see a person post about how great their kids are and they attribute it to how great they parent. My belief about all this is that each kid and parent have their own path in this world and these paths manifest differently for each parent.
In other words, I still understand the link between peaceful parent and peaceful child, but I feel that it is not always as self apparent as one might believe. and I think that for myself, my intent and my own internal work is "where it's at"- not the desire to produce x, y or z in my child.......

I find myself nodding as I've re-read this- it seems pretty clear. Do your internal work for you. Don't assume that by doing X, your kid is also going to do x. But this parenting stuff is tricky, and even being conscious of the internal desire to work on my own stuff, and not "change" or "produce" a certain kind of kid, does not always mean that I'm living that desire.

I still find myself being kind to my kid, because ultimately I want her to be kind to me. I am sometimes respectful of her desires and her "wants" because ultimately I want her to respect me, and my wants. And at some level, I want her to take responsibility for "making me feel worthy" as a human being, when I know in my heart that *I* am the only one who can truly make me feel worthy as a human being.

Being kind to my kid is a wonderful thing. Being respectful of my kid is a beautiful thing. And being peaceful with my child, is a marvelous thing. They are *not* wonderful, beautiful and marvelous because of the external rewards or payoffs of doing so. They are wonderful because of what they bring about in me- is a true connection to the love that flows in, through, and all around me. And that, for me, is what it's really *All* about.

The joy of the present moment.... where things are always "ok."

2010-07-07T11:02:00.004-04:00

"The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day.... Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity." Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

The notion of being here in this moment, and not in any other moment but now, seems to be the foundation of most spiritual paths. What seems to be difficult is in actually achieving this state of being. :P

Wes has been out of town a lot this month on work trips. It's a very rare thing, and so it's thrown all sorts of 'newness' to our routine. Balancing Kathrynn's social needs and my quiet needs has been a challenge. Feeling the self-placed pressure of making sure my child is "happy" (ie, has enough play dates and things to do, and also some down time for myself) was a huge weight i choose to carry, that I choose to accept as my responsibility.

But it's tricky. As a homeschooling parent, I help facilitate the various experiences she is going to have- via library books, trips to museums/the pet store, going to the pool, having friends over and going over to friends houses..... none of that happens without some kind of involvement from me.

AND
...none of that guarantees her happiness, or anything else for that matter. The idea of having her busy all the day gives me the illusion that a pressure has been taken off me, that she will be busy and so not needing me to "make her happy" in the guise of entertaining her or providing entertainment for her. But this is just an illusion. Busy-ness does not mean she is happy. And having a lot of unplanned time does not mean it is up to me to "make her happy." This is not an either / or world we live in, after all.

I think back to an awesome blog post called "The Joy of being uncomfortable."
THIS is what it's about for me. This is what I am trying to escape from, by planning all these things..... to slide out from that feeling of how uncomfortable it makes me when my daughter is upset that X is happening, or X hasn't happened, or that she wants X to happen.

I was watching a video of Robin Rice the other day, and toward the end she got to the thoughts that keep me from being in the present moment:
..... Am i ok? What will happen if X happens. What happens when X occurs..... ?
I can't believe I just did X.......

She reminded me that those thoughts are not me. Gina Lake says that voice and those thoughts come from ego, not Essence, what I would call our godself or True self or Being. It is my ego that is crying out in fear, worry, sadness, anger, grief...... It is my ego trying to make "it all ok." It is my ego trying to figure out how to feel comfortable. All.the.time.

My Essence, my TrueSelf, already knows "it is all ok." This state of it "all being ok" does not come from a place of figuring it out. It does not come from a place of doing anything. It never really comes from a place of ego. It comes from a place of Being.

It comes from a place of being.in.the.moment. When i am in each moment, all those thoughts of the ego don't occur. And inevitably, all is well.

Returning to the notion of me as Kathrynn's facilitator, I am striving to find presence in planning. LOL! As I said earlier, the playdates aren't always going to plan themselves! Library programs are not going to come to our house! So it becomes a stretching, of maintaining my Essence, while also extending my awareness "out there" into the world. My awareness staying local, and at the same time moving beyond, to what might be fun for our family. I can check out websites for upcoming library events that Kathrynn might want to attend, AND stay connected to my Being. Phew!

As always, I find examining *Intent* really important. Am I looking for something for Kathrynn to do out of fear? worry? ect? Am I wanting to relieve myself of some foreseen discomfort? Or, am I looking for something for Kathrynn to do because I think she'll have fun doing it?

This morning I dropped her off with a couple of friends for a hike at a local Lake. My initial intent of scheduling this was so that I could have some free time, but mostly so that she would have something to do. In part, it was a way to slide out of my discomfort.... In the last couple days I have *mostly* shifted out of ego and back into Essence, and I realized this when we got to the meeting place, and I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to escape from my child for some peace and quiet. I didn't want to turn the responsibility of making her happy and entertained over to someone else.

I was in the present moment- where things are always "ok."

Sleep, like everything, can happen with Joy :P

2010-07-01T12:05:00.002-04:00

I was motivated to ponder the issue sleep once I found out about the July blog carnival going on here. I had no idea whatI could possibly blog about, at first. I mean, my kid is no longer in the family bed. We don't have sleep issues. What could I possibly write about!

Then I had the thought that perhaps we don't have sleep "issues" (at the moment! :P) because of how we've chosen to embrace most things in our family- with trust. Breastfeeding, sleep, food, "learning"- they all have involved deep searching into ourselves. Once we went into our fears, old beliefs, our assumptions, ect, and came out on the other side, we were left with a desire to trust our child, and trust our instincts that having a connection with our child was more important then just about anything.

When I was a kid I would occasionally- ok very rarely- here about "those people who let their kids sleep in their beds." The message I got was that it was not a good idea to ever do that. Not good for the kid, not good for the parents. And once you let a kid into your bed, OMG how would you EVER get them out!?!?!?!

Fast forward many years to when Kathrynn was born. Luckily I did a lot of reading prior to her being born, and thought co-sleeping was the coolest thing ever. Turns out that worked perfectly, because Kathrynn rarely wanted to be put down, let alone left alone to sleep. Sure it brought lots of change into our lives. After a year of the three of us sleeping in the same bed, Wes choose to sleep on a futon at the end of our queen sized bed because Kathrynn was a mover. :P Which ultimately meant that for 2ish years Wes and I slept apart. And it also ultimately meant that we were all sleeping. :)

When we moved to a different house when Kathrynn was 3 1/2 we got her a twin bed, with the coolest spider man sheets EVER, and we had the idea that she could eventually sleep in that bed, in our room. What I thought would be a gradual moving out of the family bed became radically different when she announced that she wanted HER bed to be in HER room, and wanted to sleep in there. Wait, WHAT?!?!?!? So we moved the bed into her room, and that is where she slept, and where she still sleeps, spiderman sheets and all. :)

It wasn't quite so cut and dry, however, because also what Kathrynn wanted was for one of us to sleep in her single bed with her, in her room. :) Egads! Wes and I were so close to being back in a bed together!!!!! And ultimately this did happen- one of us (usually me, since Kathrynn was still nursing) laid with her in her bed as she fell asleep, and then once Kathrynn was asleep I went to sleep in Wes and my room. We still used a baby monitor, and so heard when Kathrynn was waking up, and one of us would go to be with her until she fell back to sleep.

Again I heard plenty of responses to how we were going to mess Kathrynn up with these odd sleep habits, and how it was bad for our marriage, ect. But ultimately it allowed for Kathrynn to feel safe when she was going to bed, and allowed for Wes and I to have alone time in our own bed as well. Sure, it was sometimes rough when she was having a restless night, as it meant that one of us would ultimately spend most of the night in her bed with her. But as with everything, that ebbed and flowed.

As she got older she no longer wanted us to fall asleep with her. Instead she wanted to be read to sleep. :) Again, I got eye rolls and sighs, for how my 5 year old daughter was still not falling asleep on her own! I continued to follow my heart and what made my child feel safe. Eventually this morphed into reading before bed, but not to the point where she was sleeping. One of us would, again, lie in bed with her while she drifted into sleep. This phase was short lived, and it wasn't long before we were kissing her good night after we were done reading, and left the room while she was still awake. This happened by the time she was 6. Now, at 7, this is still the way her bedtime routine happens.

I find it helpful, for me, to look at all the stages that were involved over the years. Doing so allows me to see how each change in our sleep routine happened consensually. There was never any pushing or bribing or shame. Of course there were grumpy nights and aching backs along the way. Over all our nights have ebbed and flowed naturally, with Kathrynn, Wes and I all feeling safe and happy. Where this is coincidence or not, I honestly can not ever remember Kathrynn being afraid to go to sleep, or afraid of the dark, or scared in any way that involved sleep.

I can see how our breastfeeding relationship almost paralleled our sleep relationship, but that is for another blog post. The point is that when there is trust and connection- and communication (lots of that!!!)- involved, everything can happen with joy.

A slice of June...... :)

2010-06-24T21:12:00.007-04:00

Kathrynn had the idea to make a treasure hunt one day, and dressing up as a pirate seemed like the appropriate thing to do.... :)

Another double rainbow......

Making paper at the library:

Tearing pieces of paper....

putting the frames into the mixture of blended paper/water.....

getting the water out....

setting aside the paper to dry!

This was an awesome library activity- neither of us had made paper before!

Lemonade stand:
A perfect idea for a 90 degree day... She made over $8 in 30 minutes before we sold out... :)

Wonderlab glimpses:

Two projects she wanted pictures taken of (hence the posed smiles :P )

Always blessed to be so much a part of this girls life! <3

Trapeze!!!!!! Workshops Spring 2010

2010-06-23T22:10:00.024-04:00

Finally! It took me awhile, but I've finally gotten up the pictures from this month's trapeze workshops!!!!

Kathrynn went to three workshops, and I went to one. :P
Trapeze is one of Kathrynn's greatest passions, and some of these pictures captures her focus as well as her joy. This is her third summer doing trapeze. The first workshop was spent reviewing some old positions and then practicing some new skills. And the second and third workshops were spent focusing on new positions for catches.

Workshop #1
Warming up on the trampoline. :)

Knee hang.
Perfect catch from the knee hang! I love taking pictures during catches- the shots always blow my mind! :)

Catch video from workshop #1

Workshop #2

Kathrynn practiced a new position on this day- called a split i think?

Practice video from session 2

After practicing it for awhile, her teachers told her she was not ready to be caught using this position. She ran over to me in tears, very upset that she hadn't mastered it to the point of being ready to do a catch with it. We talked to one of the teachers, Jake (who is pictured above and below catching) and he agreed to let her do one more practice of the position. This time she did it perfectly, and she was ready to try for the catch. They were impressed with her determination and focus. ;)

The catch! She had the opportunity to do the catch twice- the first time was a bit off and Jake grabbed one hand and not the other (eventually getting both arms), and then the second catch was perfect!

Catch from video workshop #2 (the one hand catch)

Here are a couple of videos of me.......
I had decided last year that I'd try it, and so when we went to the second workshop I did!
I was raised to be afraid of heights, so this was a pretty monumental task for me!
After climbing up the ladder for my first jump I was so overcome by fear that all I could think of was how I could get down in that moment NOW. The first thoughts that passed through my brain were "I am NOT jumping off this platform" and "How can I get down with out jumping?"
After doing some Lamaze type breathing (Wes told me later he thought I was going to have a baby up there bc of my breathing!) I calmed down and did it. And I did it 4 more times! Each time I was wanting, kind of wanting....., to go into a position- a knee hang or a back flip. But each time I went flying through the air all I could do is hang onto that bar for dear life, and ultimately let go only to end the flight of terror, and land in the net that was waiting for me. lol!

The first one

Wes was shooting the clouds, then turned to me. I managed not to freak out each time by looking out at the trees, not down to the ground. :P

Me, flying through the air. :)

Workshop #3

Warming up.....

Her new move for this day was the straddle.

The catch! I don't have any videos to enclose here, but you can go HERE ((click on the HERE)) to view her doing a catch from the straddle position.

Kathrynn just came into see me blogging about trapeze, and she asked "When is the next trapeze workshop?" Yup, this kid was hooked from day one. :)

Anansi play at Leslie's house :)

2010-05-27T15:11:00.015-04:00

Kathrynn and her dear friend Leslie :)

One thing that has been a constant over the past 4 years is Kathrynn's love for our friend Leslie. Leslie has been a waldorf inspired teacher for over 25 years, and Kathrynn's connection with her has been magical.
Each week Kathrynn goes to Leslie's house for 4 hours of play and exploration. It's always been such a wonderful part of our life- bringing much joy to Kathrynn, and some "me" time for me!

Last week the girls in Leslie's class performed an Anansi play that one of Leslie's older students had written. The girls helped shape their lines, create their own outfits, as well as plan other components of the play.

Here are a few wonderful pictures of the girls, and a few videos. :)

Before the play, they did a song to help introduce the location of the play, which was taking place in Africa....

Kathrynn, the Sun Goddess, in her "spot"

Her friend Hannah played the role Anansi, and her friend Virgina was the narrator in the back corner.

Giving her lines....

In this video you can see a shot of her friend Zoe, who played one of the animals that Anansi tricks. :)

Kathrynn was so proud of herself, she is just beaming in this picture!
All the girls had so much fun, it was lovely to watch. :)

Leslie, we love you!!!! :)

A brief slice of our Joyful lives.....

2010-05-16T08:22:00.003-04:00

For me, this one picture conveys a thousand words.....

While you can't fully view the lack of walkable floor space in the room, the room is pretty much covered with remnants of Kathrynn's activities from the day: markers spilled out all over the room, her little piano for impromptu performances, the tape for various projects, pieces of paper here and there, and a barrage of coloring books, blank pieces of paper, and coloring calenders.

The majority of said day was spent working on 2 coloring calenders that she and I have been working on - together (but mostly Kathrynn) we had colored the boarders on the various months, and now it was time for the central pictures to be drawn. Kathrynn went to town and drew pictures for all 12 months. She took intermitant breaks to play tunes on her piano and do other various activities.

There are plenty of thing *not* conveyed by this picture, but the main and pretty much all encompassing reality that is not explicitly stated is the freedom Kathrynn has in her life. Because she has the freedom to pretty much spend her days as she wishes, her creativity pours out of her in a way that is both passionate and joyful. Kathrynn has both the time and space to follow her passions, and there is no value placed on what she chooses to do with her day, whether it be watching a show, coloring or drawing pictures, writing letters to friends and family, playing with her littlest pet shops, star war, or super hero characters, doing math worksheets, playing with friends, reading, or whatever else interests her that day.

While occasionally the "mess" does annoy me, I also love how it fuels her creative passions. Is having a room clean throughout the day really all that important, in the large scheme of things? When the end of the day comes, sometimes we pick up everything, and other times the room stays pretty the same, ready for the next day of creative surges, however they manifest. :)

I am fully appreciating the spaciousness Kathrynn has these days, to be who she wants to be, to do the things she wants to do.... I am honored and blessed to be a witness to it all.

Kathrynn's "Everyone's Birthday Party"

2010-05-15T17:49:00.010-04:00

Although I've taken a long hiatus from posting lately, our lives have continued to be filled with amazing wonderment, and i continue to be filled with such deep appreciation for the amazing life that we have!

One of things that I continue to love and appreciate about Kathrynn is her immense creativity. A few weeks ago she came up with the idea to have an "Everyone's birthday party"- where we would celebrate each person as if it were their birthday! Kathrynn spent a lot of time planning for this party- in fact, it was more planning and effort then any of her "real" birthday parties!!!

The afternoon was filled with fun activities that the girls moved through at their own pace.

First up, decorating cupcakes. Oh my! The girls had so much fun with this!!!!!

Eating was equally as fun. :D

After this they decorated hand puppets using some lunch size brown paper bags, beads, markers, buttons and yarn.

I think we had sequins on the floor for over a week-- I had so much resistance to vacuuming up all the sparkly remnants. :)

Next, pin the tail on the monster! Kathrynn drew the monster. :P

Next up was a fun version of cooperative musical chairs--- instead of taking a chair out and then a person sitting out when they didn't find a seat, the girls would sit on each others laps.

Last was the home made version of a pinata that Kathrynn and I came up with. :)
The idea of this pinata was not to destroy it, but just get it to tip over so the candy and goodies could come out. :)

Lastly, the girls opened up their "goodie bags", which kathrynn had decorated the front of with each girl's favorite animal, and we filled with various goodies we'd found around the house. :)

One of the best parts of this party was watching all the fun that all the girls seemed to be having throughout the party. They were all so creative and in their joy as they moved through the various activities! It was a great afternoon, and a great idea for a party! :)

Boundless Joy....... and entertaining our neighborhood :)

2010-04-20T22:12:00.006-04:00

I've mentioned before that for me, Joy is not just about being happy.... it is about Feeling whatever you are feeling in that moment, and being authentic with that feeling. I find that young kids can often demonstrate that authenticity, and for the most part I'm finding that Kathrynn has been able to maintain that authenticity of being.

Earlier today she was so angry about certain things not going a certain way.... so passionate in her feelings, is she....

It used to be that her authenticity was too overwhelming for me.... it left *me* feeling uncomfortable. It led to many struggles between the two of us. As I began to work through my own issues, I learned how to be a witness in such situations, rather then a victim. Today, I was able to be a witness for her- just Being there for her, and connecting with her as she needed. When she was done, she jumped out of my lap, and was onto something new.

Today I was witness to the "unhappy" kind of authenticity, AND so much of the other kind too.
Our day ended with her deciding to put on an "act" for people who were walking and driving by our house. She made a couple signs and was ready to go!

We put the signs on either side of our property. She was sure people could see them when they were driving or walking by, and would lead to her having more "customers." She was so filled with excitement when cars were headed our way. It was interesting to watch the people in their cars- most of them were smiling, taking in the joy of this child doing acrobatics on her front lawn!

Tonight, when I reflect back on our day, I am left having such appreciation that i can (usually) offer her unconditional love and support, and and hold the space for her so that she can feel whatever it is that she is feeling *freely* as she moves through her process.
For me, holding the space, and being a witness is all about being in the Now. There are no past stories of victim-hood, or worries of the future. All that exists is that moment, in its perfect unfolding. This perspective has brought such amazing beauty to my life. I am able to look into her eyes and just move into a timeless space where only Love lives. It makes everything so much more amazing to me. The mundane becomes fragrant with the essence of what is life.

It is in the moments of her authentic joy that my heart enlarges- no matter if that joy is one of happiness or not........ and my True Being radiates.

Appreciation Thursday!

2010-04-15T10:10:00.002-04:00

Officially making the jump from gratitude to appreciation....... I've loved the word appreciation ever since reading Michael Brown's discussion of that word, and yet the word gratitude felt good too while blogging. Now i'm moving on over to blogging about appreciation! :P

1- I'm appreciating finding the areas in my life where I have judgment. I've realized how much judgment gets in my way of experiencing true connection with others, and more importantly, myself! If i am weighed down by judgments, then my body literally feels out of flow. When I am able to process through my judgments, I am left experiencing true Joy of the Now.

2- I'm appreciating my connection with my mother these days. I have been doing some deep integration work, and feel as though there is a clarity of connection that exists now that I've never felt before.

3- I am appreciating the greens from my lawn and garden. 'Nuff said on that! :)

4- I am appreciating the sweet friendships my child has. It is lovely to see her immersed in her joy with her friends. These days much of that Joy is sparked from The Warriors series, by Erin Hunter. Kathrynn loves to play "clan cats." :)

5- I am appreciating the ability to say yes to myself, which might look like a no to others. :)

Another awesome wonderlab day..... :)

2010-04-07T04:30:00.005-04:00

We were there the day before, and Kathrynn had such a good time, I thought of making it a blog post. But i've posted about Wonderlab so many times before!!!
But after the great day we had their last week, i really just couldn't help myself!

We went to an AWESOME presentation by Silly Safaris out of Indianapolis. They guy was really very good..... I laughed throughout the entire program!!!!!

You can see the various animals he had that day..... An owl, bullfrog, boa constrictor, cockroaches, a rabbit.... and his sweet dog, named Bear. :)
Kathrynn thought this guy was absolutely fantastic and also laughed throughout the whole show. :P

All the kids lined up to see the animals at the end....

Some random shots of her having fun. :)

This place just seems to get better with as she ages. :)

Gratitude Wednesday!

2010-03-31T21:00:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Wednesday!

1- Grateful for the opportunity to attend a wonderful women's crafting night on Sunday. It was pure loveliness to be creating among women folk. :)

2- Grateful for the beautiful warm weather that has come our way this week. I've been getting out in it as much as possible, and sitting on our front deck has become one of my favorite things to do every afternoon!

3- Grateful for the wonderful greens coming from our garden and yard!

4- Grateful for authentic connections with my husband, my daughter, my friends and my on line peeps!

5- Grateful for knowing, honoring, trusting and love my Self. <3

xoxoxo

Words / communication authenticity.....

2010-03-30T17:45:00.005-04:00

I have been known to say that Kathrynn is not the "best" of communicators..... What that means for me, is that she does not communicate the way *I* always want her to: with "clarity" and words. :)

When Kathrynn is particularly emotional, or feeling something strongly, her ability and/or willingness to communicate using words, can sometimes be almost non-existent. This is not to say that she is not communicating, because she clearly is. Sometimes she is communicating via her hands or feet. Sometimes she is communicating using her tears. Sometimes she yells. And sometimes she goes into her room, and wants no one to be near her.

The other day she had a very intense response to some information, that was so disappointing for her. She was so filled with anger! She was not interested in talking about it, or being comforted by me. She went into her room and slammed the door, sobbing. I wanted to connect with her, so i opened her door, to let her know I loved her, and to get me if she needed anything. This was met with "GET OUT OF MY ROOM" at top volume. Although at one time I would have become offended by this, or taken it personally, I knew it had nothing to do with me. A few minutes later she came out of her room looking for a picture of our family. Then back into her room she went. I heard her playing her favorite lullaby, and saw her through a crack in the door holding onto the picture of our family, as well as an herbal pillow.

Eventually she came out of her room, and she was done being angry and sad, and ready to play. Later I asked her if she wanted to talk about what had happened. She told me that she was so disappointed in X , and that she tried to make herself feel better by listening to the music and holding the picture and pillow. She told me that she wasn't sure if those things made her feel better or not, just that after awhile she did feel better.

I share the experience because her way of processing her emotions might make many people uncomfortable. Her "non traditional" methods might not even be acceptable in some households. In our household, we are learning to respect each person's journey, and how each person processes emotions differently. I absolutely love Kathrynn's process. Sure it might have made me feel uncomfortable at various times- but those are my issues to deal with. Kathrynn is not responsible for my issues.

Something else that occurred to me this morning:

Words/communication can be a tool that can lead to clarity, to authentic relationship, to connection. And words/ communication are also good for Control. I can use words to control on a variety of levels. I can try to demand the use of words, in a way to control too.

This is a very interesting concept for me to realize. Kathrynn has a friend who is quite verbal, and at times this friend gets so upset when Kathrynn is not willing to "use her words." In some ways, yes, this girl is wanting to connect via words. And in other ways, yes, this girl is trying to gather a sense control with words. I think this is a normal thing in our society- to gain a sense of control about ourselves, or our world, using words.

Ultimately, what a wonderful mirror for me!

I think at some level I have realized my part in using words as a form of communication sometimes, and control other times, which is why I no longer expect Kathrynn to communicate in a certain way, and why I have changed the way I communicate with her. And I also see that there are times when I continue to use words, and perhaps want her to "use her words", as a way to gather a sense of control about what is going on. Ultimately, that is about *my* needs, not hers.

Food for thought..... what is this communication stuff all about? Connection and control for *my* sake? Lots of yummy stuff there..... :)

Thanks to my peeps over at the miracles list whose posts led to this blog post! <3

Comic joy!

2010-03-30T17:23:00.001-04:00

Kathrynn came home last week from a friends house with comics in hand- comics she had made! This was new for us, and became something she and i started to do together. :)

When a friend came over last weekend, they decided to make some comics, and then sell them the next day at a comic stand! This is exactly what they did. :)

I have to admit that I was thinking to myself, ohhhh I really don't think they're going to sell any comics..... And I started to feel a bit anxious about how Kathrynn would feel if she didn't sell any comics. Then I realized, if anyone could sell comics, it would be Kathrynn and her friend Virginia! And I decided not to worry about it any more.
Sure enough, within minutes, I rounded the corner of our yard, to see this:
They were making their first sale!!!!

They were so very proud of themselves!

They had great selling tactics, which at times included holding Kathrynn's guinea pigs as an enticement for people to stop! :)

It didn't take long for them to sell out of their comics, and so back to work they went!!!
They sold nearly all their comics, and then decided to sell some stuffed animals too....

We decided to walk to the park near our house, and the girls tried to sell their remaining comic there, and a few stuffed animals, with no luck. It was a beautiful day and everyone was too busy playing! They were satisfied with their sales for the day- $8!- and had fun in the park. :)

Camping joy!!!

2010-03-23T20:01:00.008-04:00

Our first camping trip!
Some may be shocked that I have never taken Kathrynn camping before...... Believe me, I've been waiting patiently for the experience! And I also decided that I knew it had to be when Kathrynn was truly interested and ready. :)

When Uncle John asked me if we'd like to go, I talked with Kathrynn about it and she was so excited! Our opportunity had come!

Kathrynn had a lot of fun helping to set up the tent. It was a wonderful location that John had scouted out for us. We were situated on a little peninsula and so could basically see water from 3 sides. Behind our tent were acres of trees, that led to the lake. It was peaceful and not busy at all so we had lots of land to ourselves!

Kathrynn built a fairy house the first afternoon we were there, and visited it a few times during our stay. Because the trees had no leaves, we could see her visiting this special place from our camp site. :)

The head lamp was a big hit.....
As was the picnic table on its end.... lots of climbing opportunities!

The comforts from home...... Great for Kathrynn, and great for John and I. :P

Kathrynn was really excited about having a fire. She worked hard at helping John with all the necessary branches and leaves, ect, and then helped him set up the fire.
They did a great job! It provided some lovely "hippy tv" for us.....

as well a way to roast some marshmallows!

I love the shots with and without flash. :)

Good morning! Kathrynn was hiding behind me. :)
Note the hat- it was in the high 30s or low 40s that morning!

With the sun out, it quickly warmed up, and we spent a few hours playing various games, including I-Spy Bingo. :)

Kathrynn spotted this hawks nest near our camp site.... We saw the mom and dad hawk, and are pretty sure that's who woke us up that morning!

After we got our site torn down and packed, we headed to the beach. Kathrynn is facing the peninsula where we'd stayed the night before.

We had so much fun on our first trip! I am so glad that John asked us if we wanted to go, and also glad that the weather was perfect for camping!

More library joy :)

2010-03-21T22:18:00.003-04:00

I have sung the praises for our local library before, and I'm back to do it again!

The children's department closed for 3ish months, and were we so happy to see all the changes they'd done!

I didn't get many shots of the changes, although here a shot of Kathrynn putting on a puppet show using the new puppet show frame they had in the play room.

What actually brought us to the library that day was a program on birds. Our library offers so many great programs! This program was on birds and included a craft of making a bird feeder!

The woman leading the class did such a great job talking about birds and their habitat, and how we can help protect their natural habitats.

She even led some fun bird yoga!!!

Kathrynn went up to help with a demonstration of how birds and the land and trees co-exist together. :)

And here she is working on making the bird feeder, which now is in a tree in our back yard! :)

I have so much appreciation and love for our local library! :)

Garden is planted!

2010-03-11T19:28:00.003-05:00

After a series of days with lovely temperatures, we decided it was time to plant! We were inspired on the warmest day of the year, so far, which was Yesterday. I think it hit the low 70s!!!! It was so warm that Kathrynn got *hot* and had to go inside. lol!!!!

We planted more spinach and more kale to supplement the spinach and kale we already have growing. And then we added 3 kinds of lettuces, collards, broccoli and beets. Yes, we really do love greens in our family. :)

We'll do some more planting once the weather gets warmer.... some herbs in some planters, and then watermelon and pumpkins by the fence like we did last year, i think. And then maybe some cucumbers this year too.

We've joined a CSA again this year, so that feels like a good balance of what we'd like to have on our land, knowing that we'll also get yummy local veggies from a local organic farm. :)

I have a feeling by Monday, we'll see little sprouts coming up, and our already growing spinach and kale and arugula will be on our plates for dinner. :)

Pictures forthcoming of course. xoxo

First day of gardening!

2010-03-05T20:25:00.006-05:00

It was such a beautiful day today.... got to 51!!!!! Kathrynn and I sat on our front porch soaking up the sun, and then Kathrynn had a great idea of going out to our garden! To be honest I was not looking forward to what I *thought* I was going to find, which was a bunch of dead starters..... The cold weather came on fast and furious at the end of the fall, before I could really get much from what i'd planted.... But when we went out this afternoon I found almost a whole row of harvestable spinach!!!! Yipeeeeeeee!

We cleaned out the rest of the garden.....

Found some awesome worms!!!!!

And watered the spinach and the cute little kale that is also coming in!!!

Next up... planing seeds!!!!! Can't wait to start eating out of our garden again!!! :)

I want more of that feeling.....

2010-02-25T18:18:00.003-05:00

I've been listening to a lot of the recorded talks from the World Tapping Summit this week. Fascinating stuff!
This afternoon I listened to Dr. Pat Carrington talk about an interesting EFT approach that she calls choice tapping.
One thing I really appreciate about her talk, and what I want to write about here, is a preliminary task that she spoke about:
Every evening writing down one or two events from your day that brought you a very good feeling, and after you write the event and describe the feeling, you write "I want more of that feeling." It is in line with prosperity or abundance vibration/attraction methods that for me are becoming more a part of my life- taking time throughout my day to notice and be cognizant of the small (and big) sources of abundance in my life. I think that abundance is thought to be something dealing with money or things, but it is so much bigger for me, and when i become aware of how abundant my life is in very small and simple ways, not only do I notice more and more abundance of my life, I feel like more abundance comes my way.

When she was talking about taking time to think about experiences from our day that we want more of, the first thing that came to mind was swimming at the YMCA today. It was great on many levels- I was with Kathrynn and we were both swimming and having fun, really enjoying ourselves. Kathrynn's swimming abilities are AMAZING- I no longer need to be near her when she is swimming and it is amazing to see the new skills she incorporates each time we swim! (At one point today I was swimming under water with my googles on and I could see her in front of me, swimming under water like a dolpin! She looked so cool!!!!)

Getting back to Dr. Pat Carrington's exercise, the idea is to really go in to the feeling of the experience. So for me, yes i felt joy of swimming together with Kathrynn. But I also felt a Joy of Swimming. People that know me well know that I spent over 10 years as a competitive swimmer, and that swimming is definitely NOT something I really enjoy, nor a way I would ever choose to exercise. But today, while Kathrynn was swimming and doing her thing, I decided to do laps.... And it felt GREAT!!!! When thinking of the task at hand (going into the feeling of a moment in my day) I could go back in time and really feel my shoulders and my hands and fingers... how my arm moved through the water... my flip turns and legs kicking.... and it felt great. My body felt great!!!!! It was a very healing kind of experience for me, because toward the end of my swimming career, swimming brought pain to my body and a level of disappointment to my soul, and very little pleasure on a physical level (I became a swim instructor and swim coach, which I did enjoy, as long as I was not doing it. :P )

So today, instead of doing a gratitude list, I am choosing to write about the feelings I had while swimming--- feelings of joy and accomplishment, of being pleased and happy with my body and my bodies abilities, of having the time and space to take part in that joy..... AND I WANT MORE OF THOSE FEELINGS.....

:)

Feb Joy pix :)

2010-02-22T20:36:00.008-05:00

After a very busy December and January, we've been laying low, and really enjoying it. :)

A fun weekend that I blogged about was Valentine's Day weekend- here are some pictures from that weekend-------

Our friend Skye had a fun potluck party with 4 families....

The next day Kathrynn had a very small girls Valentine's Day party.

She worked very hard on making items for her guests at her ceramics class. :)

This past week we had 2 days in a row of high 40s and low 50s- one of those days with the sun shinning so brightly and beautifully! Off to the park we went, on both those days!

It was great to have a couple days at our neighborhood park..... It looks like it will be a couple more weeks until warm temps return. :P

Expectations.....

2010-02-22T10:02:00.002-05:00

I was going to name this posting "Joyful Expectations....." but i did not want people to think this was about expecting joy...... although i do think that joy is my "goal" as i live this life. :)
(fwiw, i think people often get the wrong idea of what i mean by Joy. :P I do NOT mean the happy cheerleader visual you might get. I DO mean being authentic and in presence.... with whatever I am experiencing....)

I came across a great article called "The Trap of Expectations"
The Trap of Expectations

It really got me thinking about why we set expectations for ourselves and our children. I am sure that for some it is easier to set expectations for their children then deal with the reasons why they are needing to have those expectations in the first place.

IME whenever we want to control another person, and expectations certainly seem to be tied to control, it is because of our own issues. WE are wanting quiet. WE are wanting "order." WE are wanting our children to behave a certain way to make ourselves feel comfortable, or successful, or important, or liked.... A thousand different ways we try to makes ourselves feel better through our children... rather then facing our own unresolved issues. When we come to terms with our own fear, anger and grief, we can set ourselves free of expectations as well as those around us. It all comes back to our own inner work- and our children are just one of the many mirrors that we create to provide the messages of what it is that we are needing to work on.

Valentine Joy :)

2010-02-15T15:29:00.000-05:00

Our Valentine's Day weekend was BUUUUUSYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plans for this weekend started weeks and weeks ago.... and then each week a new event came into our sphere (including one of our own events!) and we decided we'd do all three. :)

Friday night was a mama/daughter sleep over at one of her best friend's house to celebrate her friend's birthday. We had a great time, and left early enough in the day so that we could have some down time before the next event, which was a Valentine's Day party at one of her other best friend's. That too was filled with so much fun. :)

Sunday came and Kathrynn and I were pretty tired! We worked on getting the house ready and I made cookies for the party we were having at our house to celebrate Valentine's Day. Kathrynn was very excited to have this party at our house, as it's become a sort of annual event for her to have a valentine's day party with her girlfriends at our house. She made little candy holders and little hearts at her ceramics class, even going to an extra class so as to get everything done on time. She was very proud of her creations and very excited to gift them to her friends. :)
The "going ons" of the party didn't really matter to her.... she was interested in having friends over to exchange the valentines and to have cookies, and to play games if people wanted.... other then that it was as if the planning of it was more important. :)

This being the third event in three days, we were both pretty tired. At the end of the 2 hour time slot Kathrynn was well aware that she was ready for some peace and quiet. She let me know that she was ready for everyone to go home, and luckily I had some awesome mamas there who helped me facilitate the transition.

I do not regret making the choices we did for the weekend...... I do think that perhaps it was a bit much- a lot of stimulation, sugary foods, and not the usual sleep certainly effected me and seemed to effect Kathrynn as well. At the same time, it seems like we were able to stay connected enough to move through the weekend with awareness and ease (for the most part). And when the end of her party came around, on that third day, I appreciate that she was aware enough to say "that's it..... time for everyone to go." That is not an easy thing for Kathrynn to say, as she loves having her friends over and loves to play. So it was a big step for her to be able to See/Feel what was going on, and to say enough is enough..... I'm Full.

This morning we woke up to 4 or so inches of snow. Knowing her pottery class would probably be canceled, I asked her if she wanted to have her neighbor friend over, or if she wanted to go to her friend's house. She said that she wanted to have a "Mama and Kathrynn" day. While we were playing a game (Wild Ride to the Heart) she said that she was feeling a bit crazy today. She was not acting crazy, but she said she *felt* crazy. Again, I appreciated this awareness, and it led to a nice conversation of what we can do when we feel that way.

I am really appreciating the level of awareness that she has been expressing, and I am also working on not creating expectations based on them.

I am appreciating being a Witness to it All. :)

Gratitude Thursday!

2010-02-11T18:41:00.002-05:00

I've been peeling back the layers of webs that had gotten into my mind and covered my eyes from Seeing. This Seeing has brought me closer to the authentic Joy that my child spends her life in. What a blessing for me to be a part of such authenticity!

We've been spending so much time together lately.... she has chosen to watch less tv this week and has opted out of having play dates. The snow fall also led to her class on Wednesday being canceled. All these things meant that we got to spend a ton of time, one on one, with each other. What a wonderful week it's been!

I don't think it's a coincidence that she has chosen to spend more time with me, at the same time that i've chosen to do some deeper internal work. I love how the external mirrors the internal, and that just as i recognized that i had not been Seeing my child as authentically as i could, all these opportunities for connection popped up. I am full of appreciation that I have risen to the occasion, and have able to live in present moment awareness with her on a much higher level then I had been.

I am going to post about 5 things i'm particularly grateful for, when it comes to my joyful girl. :)

1. A game we made up called "Stink Foot"- or something like that. :) I don't really recall how this game came into being.... i think it started from me tickling her, so my super power became "tickle hands." Her feet must have been particularly stinky that day, so her super power became "stinky feet." Her stinky feet would battle my tickle hands. :)
Today this game morphed into a game where we both had 2 super powers. My powers were tickle hands and snuggle arms. Her two powers were stinky feet and magic moves. I kept adding kisses to my snuggle arms, which she didn't appreciate because I was supposed to limit my powers to TWO. lol. After a discussion, we decided it would be much more fun to lift the limitations, so the game morphed into full out super power wresting. We spent over 3 hours playing this game, with her still wanting more. My legs are sore from where her tickle feet got me, so I've requested a break for the day. The amount of joy and connection this game brought to us today has been amazing. :)

2. Another game we've been playing lately is called "don't laugh." lol, you can see where this is going. I make requests that she not laugh, and massive giggles ensue. This morphs in and out of taking turns, and also into trying to make each other laugh. Any time my child is laughing, it's a good thing. I often get lost in her laugh... its like a quick time travel to my inner joy. :)

3. Coloring and crafting. Kathrynn loves to color, and a project we've been working on together lately is coloring her "coloring calender." This week we've done some sewing on the sewing machine, working on a present for her friend (a collage of wild cats) , and valentines for her friends. :)

4. Farmville. Her Grandma Jane gave her the bug when we were in FL, and it's been a great source of fun for us! :) We also love board games- games of all kinds really. So we've been doing our usual board games too. :)

5. Gotta do a father/daughter shout out.... Wes plays xbox or wii with Kathrynn many nights while i get some work done in the next room. Last night they played the Winter Olympics Wii game and it was SO awesome to hear them in the next room. They both had so much fun and it was great to be nearby listening to their joy. :)
((Also needing to give appreciation here to Wes for being fully available to Kathrynn most nights so that I can get work done in the evenings, which helps me to be more fully present during the day. :) ))

<3 <3 <3

Internal joys of shifting :)

2010-02-10T11:35:00.002-05:00

I've decided to read The Presence Process (by Michael Brown) again.... (I had decided to re-read TPP after Thanksgiving and then didn't. Oh life ect, how you distracted me from my internal presence....)
While finishing Section One, I realized that I am not as fucked up as I thought (haha!) as I was able to See how I have changed since reading it the first time, and also how my life has changed. AND i realized how i have fallen off my presence path. I still know all the lingo and the
process, but it has not been in my Being like it was..... there has been more separation within me..... and it is showing up in my external reality, more and more in fact.

I've now just finished section 3 of TPP (The presence process, written by Michael Brown).... and wanted to share one of the things he said about kids.....

.....(while we are doing our internal work/ our presence process) children "may begin behaving exactly as we did when we were their age. This is because they will also start acting as mirrors so that we can see outside of ourselves the unresolved childhood issues that we are dealing with internally. This is an invitation to watch but not to react.... As we integrate our childhood memories, we automatically release our children from having to carry our baggage.... What we do not deal with is automatically picked up and carried by our children.... When we enter this journey, our children are already carrying our unintegrated issues with in their emotional bodies. As we cleanse our emotional bodies, our children experience a shift in theirs..... Everyone in close proximity to us also begin to process... We must be compassionate with those closest to us... (and) unconcerned as they go through their emotional thus mental and physical adjustments. Remember that they are mirroring us. If we feel compelled to "do" anything, make sure that whatever it is, we do it to ourselves."

I absolutely love that my child is my mirror.... she has nudged me to do internal work like no other, and has been a mirror for me like no other..... This was wonderful for me to read, and was a gentle reminder to stay in my business and also that my business is present moment awareness. i love that part about watching , but not reacting. SO BIG FOR ME HOLY SHIT!!!!

I have been able to Be with my child in a new way since choosing to dive back into TPP. That passage really highlights how I've been feeling lately and the sentiments of how everything is connected. My internal chaos has been mirrored to me via my child in many ways, showing me where I am in my presence process.

Full of appreciation!

Transitional Joy

2010-02-07T22:07:00.003-05:00

The last few months have been filled with such movement.... so much traveling, visitors coming, birthdays celebrated.... From Thanksgiving to just last weekend we have been going in and out of transitions from all of this busy-ness....... And it has not just been external- haha! Never!
Internal movement are always connected to external movement and are connected to internal movement ...... (if you know me at all, you know i'd say the external mirrors the internal ;) but at this point it's all just one huge mirror!)....... and the dust is just starting to settle, as we settle back into our home, our rhythms, our internal journeys- as we are done with traveling and done with visitors. Done with distraction and drama, with excuses ...... WOOOOSH!........

Sinking back into this is exhilarating. It is freeing. And it such a relief!
Much work to do..... inside.
A calling for focus and awareness and desire...... to See, and Authentically move through time and space.

<3 <3 <3

Gratitude Wednesday!

2010-01-20T17:34:00.002-05:00

Oh it's Wednesday, and so why not go for the gusto of gratitude!

Today I'm grateful for.....

1. My soul sister Kt.... always so grateful to have that connection, and today it was especially wonderful.

2. Sun! We are down in Florida and I am enjoying a nice break from the Indiana overcast and chilly days.....

3. Authenticity of my child..... I am grateful that she is free to share the full gamut of emotions.....
I have grown to appreciate meltdowns and outbursts because they are some of the most authentic expressions of emotions.... I so appreciate being able to be Present with her when she is expressing herself this way.... Likewise, I also love her excitement and joy that spills outward.......and i also so love to be with her when she is full of Joy and wonderment... so contagious!

4. My husband just brought me over some shrimp and shrimp cocktail that ROCKS MY SOCKS, and a cranberry margarita ..... So grateful that my husband has an excellent taste for food and drink, and is able to creatively put both together well!

5. Grateful for the desire to keep on keepin' on.... :)

xoxoxo

Birthday joy!

2010-01-17T21:52:00.006-05:00

Oh time you have not been on my side!! Alas! All is well, just a bit busy. :)

Toledo for the holidays/Kathrynn's birthday..... roller skating party for Kathrynn's "kid party"...... a family b'day dinner / celebration on my birthday followed by dinner and dancing (and drinking) the next night for the "adult party".... and now in Orlando, to see Wes' mom and sister (and her family)....
So much fun these days!

Here are some pix for Kathrynn's kids party, my bday, and the adult party the next night....

Cupcakes made by me and decorated by Kathrynn!

This is her third year having her "kid party" at Skateland roller skating rink.... So much fun!

My birthday cake! :)

Not many pix from my "adult b'day party"..... Here are a few while we were at Video Saloon....
Such a fun night out! :)

Let the joyful times continue! <3

Gratitude Wednesday!

2009-12-30T15:02:00.002-05:00

Holy smokes! What has happened with the missing gratitude Wednesday posts!?!? Has the gratitude come to a screeching halt?

lol, naturally that is not the case. :)

There is more gratitude then ever flowing these days... days that have been filled with mirrors, of people and situations revealing who i am and who i am not, loads of opportunities showing me where i am not healed.... So grateful for all the triggers, that show themselves as emotional reactions, that point the way to where i need to go inward, so that I can peel back the layers, so that i can then Heal and be One.....

So, on this gratitude Wednesday, let me start my list with some immense gratitude for a yahoo group...

1- Known to me as my miracles group, for unschooling peoples creating miracles, day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment.... via internal work that goes deep and to the core. This group has brought me a variety of different ideologies via written word, audio, visual, and direct energy that have led to immense inner growth and miracles. (gotta also throw out a xoxox to my soul sister KT.... no explanation needed *hug*)

2- Self.... I am grateful for who I am, that tenacious part of me that will not settle for less then authenticity when it comes to Self. Even though this path is not Easy, and even though it does not always appear that i am at Peace, it is a path of Joy. :)

3- Family.... who else is better then showing me my mirror then family. I spent a week with my parents and other relatives this past week. What an amazing opportunity it was to heal. :) I was able to go inward and heal, so that I was able to enjoy the outward. It was lovely. :)

4- EFT.... been doing more of this lately and have been blessed with some amazing people who have opened up the EFT more widely for me. Especially grateful to my friend Kathy, who did an amazing EFT session with me this week that brought about much healing, and led to more and more healing in the days that came after....

5- Home.... It has been especially cold these days. Coming into my warm home always leaves me with a sense of gratitude for what I have on an external level. I am grateful for my sweet little home, which warms and provides a safe place for me and my family. And of course, I am grateful for Wes, who works hard so that we have our home. :)

Loving what Is!
xoxo

Toledo Art museum Joy

2009-12-22T19:36:00.005-05:00

The Toledo Art Museum is such a great place- so family friendly!
Their family

They had a great temporary exhibit on graphic novels. Kathrynn planted herself at this table and read through one (about 3 times) for about 20 minutes.

Back at home, checking out our pieces of art. :)

These are my two pieces using pastels... very cool how they blend....
Wes, Kathrynn and a small one of mine.....

My paintings.....
Kathrynn's paintings!!!

A very nice day all together :)

Solstice Joy :)

2009-12-21T22:30:00.003-05:00

Solstice has always been a wonderful day of celebrating in our house. It was great this year because Wes was home from work!

We started the day opening presents!

A piece K made me in pottery class :)

One of Kathrynn's favorite books: Ish by Peter Reynolds
The highlight.... Marvel Super Heros!

Breakfast with Wes' Solstice present!!

Oh they were SOOO yummy! Raspberry jam inside!

Then onto her performances! She had learned some songs through the UU choir, and was so excited to sing them for her family. :)

Lots of practicing first!

Rise up O Flame:

I am a Light

Jingle Bells with audience participation!

Dancing to Silent Night.....

Part Two of dancing....

She also did an awesome performance of The 12 Days of Xmas but it was 5 minutes long and blogger doesn't upload videos that long. :)

Holy moly December Joys!

2009-12-20T10:46:00.010-05:00

One of the reasons I started a blog was to share pix of our life w/ family and friends.... Lately that has not been happening, and I'm ok with that- just a lot going on these days, internally and externally! :)
Before December rolls on by, I'd like to post some of what we've been up to so far this December. :)

Our fall/winter garden boxes doing great!
Since then the weather has gotten very cold, and the plastic was blown off during some wind storms, so some of the crops are not doing as well, but all things considered, they are still doing great!

Kathrynn doing some harvesting! She loves fresh greens out of the garden. :)

Our homeschool had a great afternoon at our local airport. Kathrynn and her friend Virginia hadn't seen each other in a week, and were SOOO happy to see each other. They were super cute. :)

In the fire truck!
Then over for a sleepover! They are watching a dance video in this shot... they love dancing :)

We went to UU's Family Service in December, where they also had a great 2 hours of crafting going on! Kathrynn made many gifts for family members at this time, and a few for herself. :)

Fun with our friend Skye! I'm not sure what the girls were doing in this picture, but i know they were having fun. :)

Kathrynn decided she wanted to decorate the tree all by herself this year!

Wes took this video while she was hard at work. :P

That's all for now.... more later!
:)

A sampling of life....

2009-12-14T22:15:00.010-05:00

So I tried to post some awesome pictures, and for some reason blogger is not letting me post pictures.......

and, its letting me post videos!!!!!!

Some of the things we've been up to....

Playing in the Sedona sand......

Sunset crater...... playing in the ash, pondering volcanos....

Dancing at Flagstaff brewery...

Grand canyon splendor!

Makin' music!

Oliver Winery..... always a good time :)

Gratitude Wednesday!

2009-12-02T19:50:00.002-05:00

It's Wednesday, and as good a time as any to take a few moments and focus on what I'm grateful for in this moment. :)

1. Right now, under my down comforter, I'm grateful for my awesome bed and comforter and pillows and all things warm in general. (yes, i'm feeling winter coming)

2. I'm grateful for the awesome UU we have in our community. They have such amazing programing for kids and families, and Kathrynn loves this community.

3. I am grateful for our friend Leslie, who has been offering wonderful classes for homeschooled children in the community for 25 years. Kathrynn loves it when she gets to hang out with Leslie for the day. :)

4. I've been reading this great book, Anastasia (from the Ringing Cedars Series). It has brought me such loveliness- I don't know how to put it into words. I am grateful for the original author, and the man who translated it into English.

5. I've started to read Michael Brown's The Presence Process again. I am deeply in love with the process he offers, and am so grateful for MB. <3

Gratitude Wednesday!

2009-11-25T19:08:00.002-05:00

It is officially week #6, but I'm dropping the number from my title this week, because every Wednesday from now on will be Gratitude Wednesday!

1- I'm really grateful for Wednesdays, because it gets me to blog a bit. lol. It seems as though we've been so busy lately that I haven't been tracking our experiences here, like I really do love to do. I know this will shift. In the mean time, I've been really grateful for connecting here on Wednesdays.

2- Patience. Patience and I have come a long way baby! It's amazing to me that I don't have to react when things around me are crazy. I can stay connected to what is going on AND stay present and calm. I'm loving that choice!

3- I'm grateful for the wonderful friends that Kathrynn has. It has made our unschooling life very full and rich, because of these amazing connections that she's made. And lets face it, its given me some nice mama connections, and also time when I can do things for myself.

4- I'm grateful for my wee little hoop garden in the back, growing some yummy fall/winter greens for my family. It's magical and amazing to see them grow, when the weather outside their home is cold. :)

5- Perseverance. I'm grateful for my perseverance- without it I would be an insane and stagnant being. With it, i push on in uncovering my triggers, integrating my past, and authentically Be. <3

Gratitude Wednesday, week 5!

2009-11-18T16:52:00.002-05:00

Gratitude Wednesday!
For those people who know me, it's easy for me to be filled with gratitude and appreciation about my life. It comes pretty easily, actually, in the sense that often it is happening moment by moment through out the my day. And yet, ever since starting Gratitude Wednesday, I have looked forward to posting on Wednesday... to see what would come to mind in regards to what I'd be writing about.
It's really always a surprise, right up until I start my post.

When I realized a bit ago that Wednesday was coming to a close, I decided that I better get to blogging, before the day was over! At first I was not overwhelmed with thoughts of gratitude.... but in the time its taken me to write the above few sentences, my mood has shifted, my perception has changed, and the gratitude is flowing freely. Another reason why I really do love Gratitude Wednesdays, and will keep on this tradition, even when Thanksgiving is over. :)

1- I am grateful for the kindness and giving spirit of others. I went to a facebook friend's house today to pick up some post cards he was giving away, and i left which a box full of awesome post cards, PLUS a few great shirts, some cool paper, and a box full of awesome martini glasses!!!
Wes and I have wanted to get some martini glasses, and just hadn't gotten around to it. :P

2- I am grateful for the invention of the telephone. :) I have met many wonderful and amazing people via the yahoo groups that I'm on, and this morning I got to talk to my wonderful friend Josha. Yeah for the phone, which allows me to talk to many friends! :)

3- Which leads me to my next moment of gratitude- I am gratitude for my friend Josha. My life is so much richer and full of authenticity because of her. <3

4- I am grateful for the shinning passion of my child. :D

5- I am grateful for my ability to make choices, particularly my choice to be patient, which i've utilized a lot today. :P

:)

Gratitude Wednesday, week 4!

2009-11-11T21:33:00.002-05:00

We are in Flagstaff, AZ this week!
My parents gave us the use of their time share as a gift for our anniversary and we choose to visit AZ!
We've really loved being here-it's been full of new experiences for all of us.

My mind is a little AZ preoccupied so I think my list may reflect that ;)

1- I am grateful for my sweet parents, who gifted us with this fabulous place!!!!

2- I am grateful for the hot tub on our deck- I've been using it every morning and often at night too. It has felt great to climb into the tub when the air is chilly and relax in the arms of the Flagstaff mountains. :)

3- I am grateful for the amazing landscape of AZ. We've experienced so many different terrains- the Grand Canyon, the ponderosa trees 7000 feet up, the red rocks of Sedona..... All amazing and unique.

4- I am grateful for my husband, who works so hard so that we can do things like this! :)

5- I am grateful for the honesty of each moment, and for the opportunities each moment brings should I choose to be Present in that moment.

Grand Canyon!

2009-11-10T12:55:00.003-05:00

We are in AZ this week- staying in Flagstaff and visiting surrounding areas. Yesterday we went to the GC and it was amazing. I can't wait to go back when Kathrynn is a bit older so we can do some hiking. :)

Gratitude Wednesday, week 3!

2009-11-04T13:27:00.002-05:00

A new Wednesda- a new opportunity to focus in what I am grateful about!

1- I am grateful for my job. I got this job about 10 years ago, long before I had Kathrynn. It was great then, because it was an awesome way to make some extra money (my full time job was working for the ashram business, which meant that i didn't really get paid :P) AND work at home!
I do have about 2 meetings a month I have to attend, but the rest of the hours are done from home! I am so glad that I am able to help out my family financially (a wee little bit) AND be a stay at home mom so that I can be with my sweet girl. :)

2- I am grateful for my AWESOME computer. Wes is a fervent mac user (and used to sell macs for awhile) and introduced me to the mac world many years ago. I absolutely love my MacBook, and can't imagine not having my laptop. :)

3- As much as I complain about living in Indiana, I am utterly grateful for the city of Bloomington. When I first moved to Bloomington, someone told me that it was like "the Berkley of the mid-west." Well, I'm not so sure about THAT. But I do know that Bloomington is a GREAT place to raise a kid. Its a great place regardless. :)

4- I am grateful for my unschooling yahoo groups, esp. a couple groups in particular that offer me so much support and guidance and love..... I don't know how I'd do it without these amazing internet connections. :)

5- I am grateful for music. I LOVE listening to all kinds of music, and my soul SINGS as a response to hearing music. I am just one of those people who can really be moved by hearing music, and I can't imagine life with out it! Thanks to all those amazing musicians whose passions radiate out and connect with my own passion. :)

Thanks out to Clint, who motivated me to do Gratitude Wednesdays! <3

Elixir drinking Chocolates

2009-11-01T13:29:00.004-05:00

While we were in Sante Fe last week (!!!!) we visited Kakawa Chocolate House, where we sampled hand-crafted historic European and Mesoamerican Aztec Drinking Chocolate, made in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
http://www.kakawachocolates.com/

While there I told the owner that my experience there was so marvelous that I would blog about it, and here I am!

This is a shot of the Chocolate House, and unfortunately I accidentally cut the owner out of the picture, and I have forgotten his name as well! I am hoping I can retrieve that information. :)

Check out the home page for details on the amazing products offered at this amazing place. http://www.kakawachocolates.com/
The hospitality at Kakawa was amazing- the owner gave unlimited samples of the various elixirs out to us so that we could get a taste for all the different kinds of chocolate drinks he had available.

After tasting about 6 different kinds, we settled on the Chocolate Chai Elixir. It was soooo amazing. We had our drink with a small sampling of chocolates that they make in shop.
(http://www.kakawachocolates.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=4_6&products_id=35)

I took a couple chocolates and a bag of their top seller- the Mayan full spice elixir.
(http://www.kakawachocolates.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=23)

I brewed up a small cup for Wes and I this morning..... mmmmmm nothing else like these elixirs. So amazing and full of intense flavor.

I'm so glad Missy had been to Kakawa Chocolates before- what an amazing experience!
Check it out!

Gratitude Wednesday, week 2

2009-10-28T18:40:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Wednesday!

1- I just got home from the ER- one of my best friends in the world had a DVT and asked me to come sit with her while she was waiting to be discharged. The body is a weird thing, and i am full of gratitude that my friend caught the clot early and is going to be fine. :)

2- I got home from a FABULOUS vacation a couple days ago, and I am still basking in gratitude for this trip..... There are so many layers of gratitude involved.... In short, I am grateful that I made it happen for myself. I manifested an amazing trip, with countless amazing experiences.

3- How can i not mention my gratitude for my wonderful husband and amazing daughter? Every day they motivate me to become a better person.

4- I am grateful for the contrasts that exist in my life.... The contrasting moments of "difficulty" and other such shadow type words illuminate and amplify the Joy that permeates....

5- I am grateful for our two little guinea pigs. They are sweet companions for our family. :)

<3

Breath. Feel. Awareness...... All is well....

2009-10-24T09:33:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I had an interesting interaction with a man about unschooling. I was at an open market, just off the square down town Sante Fe. I was wearing a shirt that said "I am blogging this." I man started to engage me in conversation, based on my tshirt. The man was probably in his early 40s- good looking, hair shoulder length, with some grey streaking his otherwise dark hair. He asked me, "Are you really blogging right now?" And that is how we began to converse. He asked me a serious of question, leading up to "What do you blog about." I told him that i blog about my family, and especially my 6 year old daughter. He was curious what was so interesting about our lives that made me want to blog. (Funny question, huh?!?!?) I asked him if he'd ever heard of unschooling.

Now, to pause this for a second, I rarely engage in strangers about our educational choices, and when i do, i rarely use the word unschooling, even though that is what we're doing, if you have to label it. Somehow i choose to use the word unschooling with him, rather then my usual word choice of homeschooling.

Anyway! So he claimed to be unfamiliar, so i told him it was a form of homeschooling. He asked me some more questions, I answered. I felt it to be a lovely transaction thus far, and I was feeling the love of my little girl in my heart so vibrantly, I was feeling the love of our lives so passionately, and as always I was in full appreciation for this vibrant life that i live.

Then.....

He told me that he knew someone who raised their kids like that, and what a DIS-SERVICE it was to the kids..... <> I certainly was not expecting this, and yet there it was, and so the conversation continued. I explained that I personally could not remember anything much beyond multiplication, even though I have been schooled to the graduate school level. Sure, it woul come back to me, should i need to review it. Ie, I could re-learn it if ever need be. I explained that there are a lot of subjects taught that one never uses, "just in case." I asked him if he wanted to learn racquetball, what would he do. He said he'd learn it. Exactly! I said. When a person wants to learn something, they learn about it! No need to make someone learn how to play raquetball, JUST IN CASE they might, by chance, want play it down the road sometime..... He seemed to follow me, but had that doubters look still on his face. That look that he didn't buy it..... My friends, who had been elsewhere, returned to me at that moment, and it was time to leave. I said to this man, "I love my life. And my child loves her life. Have a great day." And off I walked smiling.

I was full of emotion at that point. I was filled with a level of exuberance and passion for my life and the choices we've made. The passion could have been fueled into more gratitude for my life.
Instead I felt anger towards that man. I was angry that he felt the right to turn a friendly conversation into a critique of my parenting. "Who was this man, to question MY parenting!!!!"
Those kind of angry thoughts filled my head. I couldn't shake it....

When I had a chance to relax and feel what was going on, a number of things came to me. Ala Byron Katie, I realized that I too sometimes offer my opinion when it is not asked for. That I too sometimes lack a level of openness to hear new ideas. That I too sometimes lack that trust that *it is all good*. That I too sometimes am not expanded and become limited in my thoughts. This led me to have compassion for this man, for myself, and i started to do some Ho'oponopono: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I saw myself in him, and him back in me, and it lead me to heal those parts of me that needed healing. That part of me that sometimes desperately wants to be understood and accepted, because when I was growing up I often was *not* understood or accepted for who I was.

Over the next few hours I continued to go inward and feel, and I eventually felt hands, as if they were my mothers, or the hands of the Universe, or an adult me. Those hands were stroking though my hair, as a young girl. Those hands were caressing me and loving me. They were UNCONDITIONALLY loving and accepting me, every part of me. :)

I *am* unconditionally loved and accepted by the Universe, always. The key is staying tapped into that, and not in my fears, past, or judgments that separate me from that authenticity of Being.

I am full of appreciation for that man, and for my Self. All *is* well. <3

Gratitude Wednesday!

2009-10-21T23:14:00.002-04:00

Clint Stonebraker (http://clintstonebrakerblog.com/) gave me the idea to do this....
write a weekly gratitude post on my blog leading up to Thanksgiving.

I have often thought about this idea- picking a day each week and dedicating it to gratitude. So I am full of appreciation that I came across Clint's blog.....

Today is the day before my big Sante Fe trip. One of my best friends is celebrating her 40th bday in Sante Fe. This was no spontaneous trip- shortly after becoming friends with Kt she told me of this plan... that she was going to Sante Fe for her 40th! Well, years later, and we're going! I can't wait!!! This is the first vacation I've had since Kathrynn was born- maybe the first vacation since our honeymoon, now that I think about it. So, wow!!!

So on this night, before my departure, I have some serious gratitude:

1- I am grateful for my friend Kt. I know we're going to have an amazing trip. :)
2- I am grateful for my husband, who works SO hard (and is working right now actually, finishing up a project) so that all the members of his family can do fun things. I am also so very grateful for how wonderful a father he is- I know that he and Kathrynn will have a fabulous time while I'm gone.
3-I am grateful for my wonderful 6 (nearly 7!!) year old daughter Kathrynn. She is one of the brightest lights of my life, and every day I get to be with her is an amazing gift.
4- I am grateful for my parents. They are very caring and supportive of my family, and are always doing unexpected things for our family. Today Kathrynn got a big package full of fun things from them, and then Kathrynn had a nice long conversation with my mom afterward. It was very heart warming. :)
5- I am grateful for for a life which challenges me, honors me and nourishes me. <3

Off to sleep I go, with gratitude in my heart, and mind. :)

Dear Trust- we've come a long way baby, you and me :)

2009-10-10T09:05:00.002-04:00

One thing that I've been thinking about lately due to some recent conversations is how much I really love living our days together in the way that we do. I have recently been reminded of how much fear people have in regards to homeschooling, and I feel immense gratitude and appreciation that I was exposed to the ideas of homeschooling and unschooling when Kathrynn was less then a year old.

At that time I was learning how to Trust my baby- trust that it was ok to follow her nursing needs, her sleeping needs, her exploring and sleeping needs. I was learning to tune out what others thought was best, and what others expected me to do, and instead listen to my child and listen to my self. I continued to learn to unravel my own issues/conditioning/fears so that I could partner with her. This kept on continuing- my Trust building and building and building. It didn't happen magically for me. It happened through a lot of internal work, and through finding supportive networks that helped me challenge those old fears so that I could continue to build that Trust with my child and family.

I now realize that most people who are AP (attachment parents) have a certain amount of Trust with their babies, but then as they age, and become X year old, they slowly loose the trust that they had in/ with their child..... This is so sad for me to hear, because our children never loose that need to have our trust.

I am remarkably grateful and perhaps even lucky that I have a level of trust that enables me to be with my child on her path. This path has brought me an immense amount of inner growth, and an extreme amount of external joy.

Pizza, tic tac toe, football and sculptures, and a few seconds of pontificating on how much i love our life :)

2009-10-09T21:26:00.010-04:00

The happenings around here lately......... :)

We went up to Indy last weekend for our 3rd annual Fisher's Ren Faire!
It was one of the coldest days of the year, and was the coldest Fisher's Ren Faire by far (the first year we went it was 40 degrees hotter, a whopping 96 degrees!!!).
I will hopefully be posting some pix from that soon, but in the mean time will post some pix of what we did after the Ren Faire, and subsequent days...

Now.....onto PIZZA!!!!! We went to Unos pizza after the Ren Faire up in Indy and boy did it ROCK!!!!
They had a gluten free crust, and made her a pizza to order. Believe it or not, this was Kathrynn's FIRST PIZZA!!! She's had bites and the occasional piece here and there, but this was the first time we'd been to a place that made gluten free pizzas that she could also order without cheese.
She was soooooo excited by this experience, and Wes and I were equally as excited to be able to be facilitating this experience for her!!! It really felt great to be giving this experience to her. :)

By the end of it, she'd eaten all but a few pieces, and ate another piece on the way home. :)

Tic Tac Toe joy........ One day Kathrynn and I played some tic tac toe while waiting for some food. She made me laugh when she went from making these rather large grids to this VERY tiny grid. I had to take some pix of it bc it was so funny to me! :)

One thing Wes and Kathrynn have in common these days is there love for the Chicago Bears. One day while eating bruch at The Farm for our usual Sunday Brunch, Wes was able to bring up the game on his iphone and BOOM! They had their game on. :)
(if you look closely, you can see his iphone propped up toward the center of the table :P )

They wound up winning that game, so whatever that's worth! LOL :)

The other day Kathrynn came up with the idea for us to make sculptures. We worked on them for awhile and this is what we came up with:
I am feeling rather emotional as I post these pictures, feeling the extreme joy and love I feel for my daughter and my husband. I am full of appreciation for the wonderful moments and creations we share each and every day. Its amazing how something as simple as a sculpture can lead me to feel a sense of awe for how creative and expansive our days can be, without even "trying," and instead by just following our joys of the moment.
<3

Random moments of Joy :)

2009-10-04T08:07:00.000-04:00

Animal fun! :)

Puppet show fun :)

Some fun at Wonderlab :)

Wes' hands were on the top lol!
An animal show w/ some rescued animals. :)

Tea party time!

A random gymnastics jump during open gym!

Sewing class, where they made a backpack!

Learning some songs on her xylophone/piano!

The Scotish festival, Skye's bday party, wonderlab, and some sewing and:)

2009-10-03T22:35:00.012-04:00

Wow! We've been busy!!!!!

The Scottish Festival in Columbus was lots of fun..... Kathrynn went as a pirate. :)

She had so much fun dancing the Scotish dances.

We love the bagpipes!
The highland games were so much fun to watch!

The woman in the above clip was AMAZING!
Oh how Kathrynn loved this hat/wig, lol!

Skye's 5th bday party!!!

Pinata..... Cake!!!!!

Presents and swimming!

Wonderlab!!!!! Oh, how we love Wonderlab :)

Sewing Joy! Kathrynn has been practicing with her sewing skills, doing mazes, dot to dots, creations of her own.... even sewing on random pieces of paper she finds, including the below receipt, lol!

Last days of summer...... :)

2009-09-23T11:03:00.004-04:00

We've been so busy that I haven't been blogging as much about our busyness! Here are some random shots of what we were up to the last days of summer.....

Kathrynn's new favorite thing to do... sewing! At the class she is taking she gets to use a $1500 sewing machine.... not quite like the simple one we have at home :)

By the end of the summer she figure out how to get across the bars.... Serious muscle power!

Our friend Dani reading to the kids at the library.... where we spend our Tuesday mornings :)

Kathrynn putting on a puppet show at the library...

Cora and Kathrynn squealing with glee at our local roller derby bout..... The kids LOVE going to roller derby- not always for the bout but for the great gymnasium where they run around :)

Kathrynn dressed up as a flower super hero!

More play time at Delilah's pet shop..... oh how we love the puppies!!!

Kathrynn practicing her moves at open gym, where we go every friday before her gymnastics class......
Hanging out at the pool on the last day they were open... :)

Hanging out w/ Cornelius the snake, at Wonderlab, our local science museum.

Joys of radically unschooling......

2009-09-18T12:53:00.003-04:00

Anne, the list owner of shinewithunschooling (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/shinewithunschooling/?yguid=281150272) asked this question the other day on her list:

"What did you *used* to think was True (but is not)?"

I answered this question in a round about way, maybe writing more about "what I never thought was true for", rather then what i used to think was true....
This is what I wrote:

I think for me it is how kathrynn grasps hold of her passions and just moves so effortlessly because on an inner force inside herself..... this simply AMAZES me.
Like when she woke up one day about a month ago and sat on the floor and started writing out math equations in crayon on a pice of paper..... I looked at her, wondering WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?!?!? And it came from with in her.... an innate desire to learn and process and figure out her world, which involved numbers! How amazingly natural it was for her.... how i never would have thought that would be something a 6 yo would do for fun!

How today when we went to her "quilting" class, which is more like a sewing class and she spent time after class to continue working on her own projects on the machine.... after all the other kid were done and packed up..... and she declared today that she would be a sewing astronaut bc she has a new found passion for sewing on the sewing machine, and an old passion for space....... :)

Anything and everything has potential to be a passion for her.... the world is her oyster.... and she tastes and dabbles and just loves the buffet that life has for her to try out.......

Living this radical unschooling life, has led me to understand how much passion can exist in a being, who is free to be who she wants to be.......
-------------------------------

I think that last sentence says it all.... I never understood the passion that can exist in kids...
And this passion can show itself in all kinds of ways- in sports, in quiet solitude, in art, in watching tv or movies, in music, in PLAY! I think more then anything, those passions are alive from moment to moment. Because I do not (to the best of my ability!!!! hey, i'm not perfect yet!!) squash, shame or limit Kathrynn's exploration of her world, she continues to move through the world with these passions.
Maybe its just coincidence- maybe i just have a kid full of passion! I'm sure that's partly the case. AND I think that her uninhibited movement through the world keeps those passions alive and truly accessible to her. In either case, I know one thing is true...... I love this unschooling journey we are on! :)

Lake Griffey Joy on Labor Day

2009-09-13T08:28:00.004-04:00

What to do on a Labor's Day afternoon....... We headed over for a canoe ride and short hike.....

Kathrynn says she loves canoes because they are so relaxing and easy..... <>. We had a nice canoe ride that day- the sky opened up and the sun came out while out on the lake. My strokes improved and we actually went forward most of the trip! lol

We went for a hike along the lake bank......

Found a cute little animal on our way..... a little boy who came by called it a tree frog, but I'm thinking it might have been some kind of toad.....

Hikers need their energy! :)
A lovely little adventure, 5 minutes outside of Bloomington...... Lovely! <3

Sometimes you just have to sneeze!

2009-09-07T19:24:00.004-04:00

One day Kathrynn couldn't stop sneezing!!!!

This went on for about 15 minutes total, and I just couldn't resist not getting a bit of this on video.
The first clip is the funniest to me, but because of the way I was holding the camera you couldn't actually see her much, just the outline of the book she was reading. The second clip was a bit toned down, probably because she noticed that I was holding the camera , lol!

Girls sleep over :P

2009-09-03T21:25:00.004-04:00

When our husbands are out of town we get together for a girls sleep over (ok, Liam is a boy, but he was in bed already and usually stays out of the girls way :P)

We all gathered around on the floor and painted our toe nails. :P

Kathrynn and Virginia came up w/ an elaborate production- unfortunately my camera was about out of batteries so i only got a few shots, but it was amazing to watch the girls put on their show! It was kinda Laurel and Hardy meets clowns from the French circus. ha!

Our families always have a ton of fun together. :) xoxox

Visiting Luke Rhode's Family Farm

2009-09-02T14:41:00.007-04:00

Luke Rhode's farm is about 45 minutes southwest of Bloomington. We get our eggs, beef and pork from Luke as often as we can. Kathrynn has a dairy allergy, otherwise we'd probably be getting his awesome raw organic milk as well!
Kathrynn loves visiting this farm so much! We went last year and we were the only visitors due to the weather! We had a personal tour of Luke's property. :)
This year the weather was perfect and it was crowded with Luke's patrons. :)

Luke has two areas for has 2,000 chickens. One area is for the youngest chickens, and the other area is for the older chickens. Both sites were filled with eggs! Kathrynn had a great time gathering the eggs. :P
You can see the school buses in the shots- that is where the majority of eggs were laid, and where one of the clips was recorded.

I loved how the cows and chickens lived together. :)

Here is the guard dog for the chickens, who was all for hanging out under the bus while we checked out Luke's farm. :)

Next it was time to see how Luke's cows are milked. First the cows are gathered down to the milking building, and then they are brought into the milking room. Their utters are cleaned and then the milking machines (whatever they are called!) are attached to the utters.

The hoses go to a large tank in the next room where the milk stored in a cooler until ready to be sold.

Our future bacon.......

Thanks to Luke and his family for sharing their farm with us for a day! :)

Gymnastics!!!!!

2009-08-31T19:26:00.005-04:00

Oh how we've waited for her new gymnastics class to begin!
She started fireflies last week and loves it!
The best part about the time of her class is that there is open gym beforehand, where she can run around and do her own thing. :)

The following pictures are of open gym joy!
She loves the trampoline, and practicing her "moves" on it.

Kathrynn setting up her obstacle course.....

Here is a little video of her showing me how we're going to do the obstacle course......
We took turns setting them up and then showing each other the various steps and moves....
and practiced sharing this space w/ all the kids that come to have fun as well. :)

Some more summer Joy :)

2009-08-24T09:23:00.007-04:00

Our summer fun continues!!!!

Lots of time at the pool this summer.... we love how close we are to the pool- just a 5 minute walk!

Wes' bday was August 13th. We had a lovely family party and Wes had a great adult party at his favorite restaurant Farm. :)

Kathrynn has been really enjoying our membership to the History Center that my Mom bought for us.

Kathrynn is being the teacher in this pix, and we are counting to 100 together. lol
Kathrynn as the student.....
We love playing checkers while here!

This is Kathrynn's time machine/clock- she drew pictures of different things we do during the day, from taking care of our guinea pigs, to watching tv, to reading...... :)

Roller derby is so much fun for many of our kids. Sometimes they watch the bouts, other times they run around willy nilly the whole time! This bout had an intermission of a band which caused lots of dancing!

Kathrynn loves performing in the UU choir. Wes took videos of the songs on his iphone, they are posted here: http://gallery.me.com/productionhouse

Our fun continues!!!!! :)

Zoo Joy!

2009-08-22T19:33:00.013-04:00

First stop was watching Tomby get washed. We've been visiting the zoo for many years, and know Tomby quite well. :)

After seeing Tomby, we headed over to the rides- First stop was the roller coaster!

This was taken while on pass #2 (the roller goes 3 passes) of the roller coaster ride. We sat in the very back, which was what the ticket person recommended for a very fast ride! Turns out, it was a bit too fast for Kathrynn, but she liked it anyway. :) She said that next time we'll not go in the back. :P

Some shots I took while we were on our ride! I lucked out w/ the aim. :P

The first shot was kinda heart breaking to see.... my sweet girl was a bit wigged out by the roller coaster ast times!!!

But then i saw this picture and I remembered how much fun she had with it. :)

Onto the train!!!!!!

You can see how beautiful the sky was that day- it was in the low 80s or hight 70s, big fluffy clouds moving w/ a nice breeze... perfect zoo weather for us! :)
Oh Carousel, how we love you!!!

Feeding the giraffe is also something we do every time we come to the zoo. :)

((haha! for the record I have to say that all the "good jobs!!!!" that you hear in the video were not from my mouth, as anyone who knows me understands that I do not appreciate the constant offering of "good job," especially for tasks that are quite manageable by the child. After all, I am raising a child, not a puppy. <>))

The meerkats.

Pony ride is always fun for Kathrynn.....

Bear cub....

Another favorite of Kathrynn........Dolphin show!

This is actually a room underneath the tank where you can see up to all the dolphins swimming around. Its very cool!

The aquarium and sea life exhibit......

Cute little sea horse :)

This is not an actual walrus, but Kathrynn really wanted me to take her picture with this "walrus."
The papa was sunning himself, and the mama and baby were swimming around, sometimes bothering him enough so that he'd have to reposition himself. lol

This is a fairly new exhibit- where you can touch this small variety of sharks. Kathrynn was able to actually touch one this time- it came right up to the top of the water right in front of her. :)

We always have fun at the penguin exhibit. You can see from the video that the exhibit has 2 sections that are connected underneath the floor, so the penguin's will swim back and forth, going underneath you. I tried to capture them playing chase with each other but was not so successful with that. :)

Our last stop was at the Butterfly House. Kathrynn took a very long video of the butterfly house, so long that I can't actually post it to this blog. But come take a peek here:
Life of a Butterfly: http://gallery.me.com/weslasher#100052

This was one of our favorite days at the zoo- it was such a great day! :)

Sewing/crafting class!

2009-08-19T09:59:00.004-04:00

www.shiisaquilts.com
We went to a great homeschool group quilting class, although i'd call it a sewing/craft class. :P

First they did a cool kind of tie dye craft, using permanent markers and rubbing alcohol, on treated fabric. They all turned out so cool!

Tie dye!

Next the kids choose fabric to make pillow cases!
It was fun for Kathrynn to use a sewing machine for the first time, and how cool that our family friend Annie was there as one of the teachers!

Kathrynn can't wait for the next class! :)

New water display at wonderlab :)

2009-08-15T09:43:00.004-04:00

Oh how we love Wonderlab!!! http://www.wonderlab.org/ We hadn't been there in awhile, so what a great discovery for us to find! Kathrynn spent a long time at this exhibit, making her way through all the different components. It was great fun to watch. :)

This part was super cool to watch. This boy had been there for a long time and was so excited about how it worked. Kathrynn liked to try to obtain as many balls as possible and then quickly put them into the cylinder.

This was also fascinating for me to watch. Even though she is 6 and a half, she still has this base level of curiosity, innocence, creativity, and playfulness- she spend quite a long time filling up the beakers with water from the one section and dumping the water out in the other section....
She started w/ one beaker and then by the end of it she was doing 2 or 3 at a time to be more efficient. :P

My artsty attempt of a photo. :)

Our amazing life!

2009-08-14T12:16:00.005-04:00

I often look through my uploaded photos to figure out what I want to blog about, and most of the time I am just overloaded with how amazing our lives are- every single day!- as we follow our joys and passions. I am filled with so much appreciation and gratitude that Kathrynn and I have the time and space to lead truly free lives- following our hearts desires and being true to who we are. Doing this and being this has brought so much authentic joy to our lives! :)

Here are a few pictures of our past week. :)

Kathrynn was super excited by the pirate costume Wes brought home from Vegas.....

Sugar cookies..... Thanks for this gluten free recipe: http://glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com/2005/12/may-you-have-house-full-of-laughter.html

Carrot from our garden!!!!

More fun at Delilah's pet store.....

:)

Paolo and Diego's bday party! :)

2009-08-07T20:45:00.006-04:00

Paolo (5) and Diego's (8) birthday party!!!!

This shot of Kt really showed the excitement of the day!!! :)

Little Ruby... awwwwwww <3

The kids had so much fun bowling. They were so cute, keeping track of their score, and yet not caring who was "ahead" or winning. :)

Oh that goofy peanut gallery!

Its a double header!!!!

Presents!!!

Wes and his stick........ He spent a considerable amount of time trying to get a frisbee out of a tree, unsuccessfully, but with much fervor and comradeship. :)

Such a great afternoon! :)

Farwell to our friends Nyah and Heather xoxo

2009-08-07T09:44:00.004-04:00

I'll admit that I was too busy relaxing and swimming to get too many good pictures, but here are a few pictures from a sweet going away gathering for Heather and Nyah.

Kathrynn was super excited to decorate the cake. :)

Nyah is holding her guinea pig in the towel..... that guinea pig had a busy day! lol

On the way to roast marshmellows- kathrynn was SO excited. She nabbed the camera and decided she needed a pix of wes and my butts. ha!

getting ready to roast marshmellows!
YUM!!!!!!

We'll miss you Heather and Nyah!!!! xoxoxox

Perpetual Joy

Bullying comes from me

Why do I do what i do?

It is what it is, always.

Fun blog post :)

Michelangelo Joy :)

Exploring the layers of "yes"........

The joy in feeling uncomfortable...... flip side to: kid, please act a certain way so i don't have to feel uncomfortable.....

"I am that Mom, the one who . . . "

Peaceful parenting, for *me*, not my child......

The joy of the present moment.... where things are always "ok."

"The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day.... Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity." Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Sleep, like everything, can happen with Joy :P

A slice of June...... :)

Trapeze!!!!!! Workshops Spring 2010

Anansi play at Leslie's house :)

A brief slice of our Joyful lives.....

Kathrynn's "Everyone's Birthday Party"

Boundless Joy....... and entertaining our neighborhood :)

Appreciation Thursday!

Another awesome wonderlab day..... :)

Gratitude Wednesday!

Words / communication authenticity.....

Comic joy!

Camping joy!!!

More library joy :)

Garden is planted!

First day of gardening!

I want more of that feeling.....

Feb Joy pix :)

Expectations.....

Valentine Joy :)

Gratitude Thursday!

Internal joys of shifting :)

Transitional Joy

Gratitude Wednesday!

Birthday joy!

Gratitude Wednesday!

Toledo Art museum Joy

Solstice Joy :)

Holy moly December Joys!

A sampling of life....

Gratitude Wednesday!

Gratitude Wednesday!

Gratitude Wednesday, week 5!

Gratitude Wednesday, week 4!

Grand Canyon!

Gratitude Wednesday, week 3!

Elixir drinking Chocolates

Gratitude Wednesday, week 2

Breath. Feel. Awareness...... All is well....

Gratitude Wednesday!

Dear Trust- we've come a long way baby, you and me :)

Pizza, tic tac toe, football and sculptures, and a few seconds of pontificating on how much i love our life :)

Random moments of Joy :)

The Scotish festival, Skye's bday party, wonderlab, and some sewing and:)

Last days of summer...... :)

Joys of radically unschooling......

Lake Griffey Joy on Labor Day

Sometimes you just have to sneeze!

Girls sleep over :P

Visiting Luke Rhode's Family Farm

Gymnastics!!!!!

Some more summer Joy :)

Zoo Joy!

Sewing/crafting class!

New water display at wonderlab :)

Our amazing life!

Paolo and Diego's bday party! :)

Farwell to our friends Nyah and Heather xoxo

Peaceful parenting, for me, not my child......