Gratitude Wednesday!
1- Grateful for the opportunity to attend a wonderful women's crafting night on Sunday. It was pure loveliness to be creating among women folk. :)
2- Grateful for the beautiful warm weather that has come our way this week. I've been getting out in it as much as possible, and sitting on our front deck has become one of my favorite things to do every afternoon!
3- Grateful for the wonderful greens coming from our garden and yard!
4- Grateful for authentic connections with my husband, my daughter, my friends and my on line peeps!
5- Grateful for knowing, honoring, trusting and love my Self. <3
xoxoxo
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Words / communication authenticity.....
I have been known to say that Kathrynn is not the "best" of communicators..... What that means for me, is that she does not communicate the way *I* always want her to: with "clarity" and words. :)
When Kathrynn is particularly emotional, or feeling something strongly, her ability and/or willingness to communicate using words, can sometimes be almost non-existent. This is not to say that she is not communicating, because she clearly is. Sometimes she is communicating via her hands or feet. Sometimes she is communicating using her tears. Sometimes she yells. And sometimes she goes into her room, and wants no one to be near her.
The other day she had a very intense response to some information, that was so disappointing for her. She was so filled with anger! She was not interested in talking about it, or being comforted by me. She went into her room and slammed the door, sobbing. I wanted to connect with her, so i opened her door, to let her know I loved her, and to get me if she needed anything. This was met with "GET OUT OF MY ROOM" at top volume. Although at one time I would have become offended by this, or taken it personally, I knew it had nothing to do with me. A few minutes later she came out of her room looking for a picture of our family. Then back into her room she went. I heard her playing her favorite lullaby, and saw her through a crack in the door holding onto the picture of our family, as well as an herbal pillow.
Eventually she came out of her room, and she was done being angry and sad, and ready to play. Later I asked her if she wanted to talk about what had happened. She told me that she was so disappointed in X , and that she tried to make herself feel better by listening to the music and holding the picture and pillow. She told me that she wasn't sure if those things made her feel better or not, just that after awhile she did feel better.
I share the experience because her way of processing her emotions might make many people uncomfortable. Her "non traditional" methods might not even be acceptable in some households. In our household, we are learning to respect each person's journey, and how each person processes emotions differently. I absolutely love Kathrynn's process. Sure it might have made me feel uncomfortable at various times- but those are my issues to deal with. Kathrynn is not responsible for my issues.
Something else that occurred to me this morning:
Words/communication can be a tool that can lead to clarity, to authentic relationship, to connection. And words/ communication are also good for Control. I can use words to control on a variety of levels. I can try to demand the use of words, in a way to control too.
This is a very interesting concept for me to realize. Kathrynn has a friend who is quite verbal, and at times this friend gets so upset when Kathrynn is not willing to "use her words." In some ways, yes, this girl is wanting to connect via words. And in other ways, yes, this girl is trying to gather a sense control with words. I think this is a normal thing in our society- to gain a sense of control about ourselves, or our world, using words.
Ultimately, what a wonderful mirror for me!
I think at some level I have realized my part in using words as a form of communication sometimes, and control other times, which is why I no longer expect Kathrynn to communicate in a certain way, and why I have changed the way I communicate with her. And I also see that there are times when I continue to use words, and perhaps want her to "use her words", as a way to gather a sense of control about what is going on. Ultimately, that is about *my* needs, not hers.
Food for thought..... what is this communication stuff all about? Connection and control for *my* sake? Lots of yummy stuff there..... :)
Thanks to my peeps over at the miracles list whose posts led to this blog post! <3
When Kathrynn is particularly emotional, or feeling something strongly, her ability and/or willingness to communicate using words, can sometimes be almost non-existent. This is not to say that she is not communicating, because she clearly is. Sometimes she is communicating via her hands or feet. Sometimes she is communicating using her tears. Sometimes she yells. And sometimes she goes into her room, and wants no one to be near her.
The other day she had a very intense response to some information, that was so disappointing for her. She was so filled with anger! She was not interested in talking about it, or being comforted by me. She went into her room and slammed the door, sobbing. I wanted to connect with her, so i opened her door, to let her know I loved her, and to get me if she needed anything. This was met with "GET OUT OF MY ROOM" at top volume. Although at one time I would have become offended by this, or taken it personally, I knew it had nothing to do with me. A few minutes later she came out of her room looking for a picture of our family. Then back into her room she went. I heard her playing her favorite lullaby, and saw her through a crack in the door holding onto the picture of our family, as well as an herbal pillow.
Eventually she came out of her room, and she was done being angry and sad, and ready to play. Later I asked her if she wanted to talk about what had happened. She told me that she was so disappointed in X , and that she tried to make herself feel better by listening to the music and holding the picture and pillow. She told me that she wasn't sure if those things made her feel better or not, just that after awhile she did feel better.
I share the experience because her way of processing her emotions might make many people uncomfortable. Her "non traditional" methods might not even be acceptable in some households. In our household, we are learning to respect each person's journey, and how each person processes emotions differently. I absolutely love Kathrynn's process. Sure it might have made me feel uncomfortable at various times- but those are my issues to deal with. Kathrynn is not responsible for my issues.
Something else that occurred to me this morning:
Words/communication can be a tool that can lead to clarity, to authentic relationship, to connection. And words/ communication are also good for Control. I can use words to control on a variety of levels. I can try to demand the use of words, in a way to control too.
This is a very interesting concept for me to realize. Kathrynn has a friend who is quite verbal, and at times this friend gets so upset when Kathrynn is not willing to "use her words." In some ways, yes, this girl is wanting to connect via words. And in other ways, yes, this girl is trying to gather a sense control with words. I think this is a normal thing in our society- to gain a sense of control about ourselves, or our world, using words.
Ultimately, what a wonderful mirror for me!
I think at some level I have realized my part in using words as a form of communication sometimes, and control other times, which is why I no longer expect Kathrynn to communicate in a certain way, and why I have changed the way I communicate with her. And I also see that there are times when I continue to use words, and perhaps want her to "use her words", as a way to gather a sense of control about what is going on. Ultimately, that is about *my* needs, not hers.
Food for thought..... what is this communication stuff all about? Connection and control for *my* sake? Lots of yummy stuff there..... :)
Thanks to my peeps over at the miracles list whose posts led to this blog post! <3
Comic joy!
Kathrynn came home last week from a friends house with comics in hand- comics she had made! This was new for us, and became something she and i started to do together. :)
When a friend came over last weekend, they decided to make some comics, and then sell them the next day at a comic stand! This is exactly what they did. :)
I have to admit that I was thinking to myself, ohhhh I really don't think they're going to sell any comics..... And I started to feel a bit anxious about how Kathrynn would feel if she didn't sell any comics. Then I realized, if anyone could sell comics, it would be Kathrynn and her friend Virginia! And I decided not to worry about it any more.
Sure enough, within minutes, I rounded the corner of our yard, to see this:
They were making their first sale!!!!
They were so very proud of themselves!
They had great selling tactics, which at times included holding Kathrynn's guinea pigs as an enticement for people to stop! :)
It didn't take long for them to sell out of their comics, and so back to work they went!!!
They sold nearly all their comics, and then decided to sell some stuffed animals too....
We decided to walk to the park near our house, and the girls tried to sell their remaining comic there, and a few stuffed animals, with no luck. It was a beautiful day and everyone was too busy playing! They were satisfied with their sales for the day- $8!- and had fun in the park. :)
When a friend came over last weekend, they decided to make some comics, and then sell them the next day at a comic stand! This is exactly what they did. :)
I have to admit that I was thinking to myself, ohhhh I really don't think they're going to sell any comics..... And I started to feel a bit anxious about how Kathrynn would feel if she didn't sell any comics. Then I realized, if anyone could sell comics, it would be Kathrynn and her friend Virginia! And I decided not to worry about it any more.
Sure enough, within minutes, I rounded the corner of our yard, to see this:
They were making their first sale!!!!
They were so very proud of themselves!They had great selling tactics, which at times included holding Kathrynn's guinea pigs as an enticement for people to stop! :)
It didn't take long for them to sell out of their comics, and so back to work they went!!!They sold nearly all their comics, and then decided to sell some stuffed animals too....
We decided to walk to the park near our house, and the girls tried to sell their remaining comic there, and a few stuffed animals, with no luck. It was a beautiful day and everyone was too busy playing! They were satisfied with their sales for the day- $8!- and had fun in the park. :)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Camping joy!!!
Our first camping trip!
Some may be shocked that I have never taken Kathrynn camping before...... Believe me, I've been waiting patiently for the experience! And I also decided that I knew it had to be when Kathrynn was truly interested and ready. :)
When Uncle John asked me if we'd like to go, I talked with Kathrynn about it and she was so excited! Our opportunity had come!
Kathrynn had a lot of fun helping to set up the tent. It was a wonderful location that John had scouted out for us. We were situated on a little peninsula and so could basically see water from 3 sides. Behind our tent were acres of trees, that led to the lake. It was peaceful and not busy at all so we had lots of land to ourselves!
Kathrynn built a fairy house the first afternoon we were there, and visited it a few times during our stay. Because the trees had no leaves, we could see her visiting this special place from our camp site. :)
The head lamp was a big hit.....
As was the picnic table on its end.... lots of climbing opportunities!
The comforts from home...... Great for Kathrynn, and great for John and I. :P
Kathrynn was really excited about having a fire. She worked hard at helping John with all the necessary branches and leaves, ect, and then helped him set up the fire.
They did a great job! It provided some lovely "hippy tv" for us.....
as well a way to roast some marshmallows!
I love the shots with and without flash. :)
Good morning! Kathrynn was hiding behind me. :)
Note the hat- it was in the high 30s or low 40s that morning!
With the sun out, it quickly warmed up, and we spent a few hours playing various games, including I-Spy Bingo. :)
Kathrynn spotted this hawks nest near our camp site.... We saw the mom and dad hawk, and are pretty sure that's who woke us up that morning!
After we got our site torn down and packed, we headed to the beach. Kathrynn is facing the peninsula where we'd stayed the night before.
We had so much fun on our first trip! I am so glad that John asked us if we wanted to go, and also glad that the weather was perfect for camping!
Some may be shocked that I have never taken Kathrynn camping before...... Believe me, I've been waiting patiently for the experience! And I also decided that I knew it had to be when Kathrynn was truly interested and ready. :)
When Uncle John asked me if we'd like to go, I talked with Kathrynn about it and she was so excited! Our opportunity had come!
Kathrynn had a lot of fun helping to set up the tent. It was a wonderful location that John had scouted out for us. We were situated on a little peninsula and so could basically see water from 3 sides. Behind our tent were acres of trees, that led to the lake. It was peaceful and not busy at all so we had lots of land to ourselves!
Kathrynn built a fairy house the first afternoon we were there, and visited it a few times during our stay. Because the trees had no leaves, we could see her visiting this special place from our camp site. :)
The head lamp was a big hit.....
As was the picnic table on its end.... lots of climbing opportunities!
The comforts from home...... Great for Kathrynn, and great for John and I. :P
Kathrynn was really excited about having a fire. She worked hard at helping John with all the necessary branches and leaves, ect, and then helped him set up the fire.
They did a great job! It provided some lovely "hippy tv" for us.....
as well a way to roast some marshmallows!
I love the shots with and without flash. :)
Good morning! Kathrynn was hiding behind me. :)
Note the hat- it was in the high 30s or low 40s that morning!
With the sun out, it quickly warmed up, and we spent a few hours playing various games, including I-Spy Bingo. :)
Kathrynn spotted this hawks nest near our camp site.... We saw the mom and dad hawk, and are pretty sure that's who woke us up that morning!
After we got our site torn down and packed, we headed to the beach. Kathrynn is facing the peninsula where we'd stayed the night before.
We had so much fun on our first trip! I am so glad that John asked us if we wanted to go, and also glad that the weather was perfect for camping!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
More library joy :)
I have sung the praises for our local library before, and I'm back to do it again!
The children's department closed for 3ish months, and were we so happy to see all the changes they'd done!
I didn't get many shots of the changes, although here a shot of Kathrynn putting on a puppet show using the new puppet show frame they had in the play room.
What actually brought us to the library that day was a program on birds. Our library offers so many great programs! This program was on birds and included a craft of making a bird feeder!
The woman leading the class did such a great job talking about birds and their habitat, and how we can help protect their natural habitats.
She even led some fun bird yoga!!!
Kathrynn went up to help with a demonstration of how birds and the land and trees co-exist together. :)
And here she is working on making the bird feeder, which now is in a tree in our back yard! :)
I have so much appreciation and love for our local library! :)
The children's department closed for 3ish months, and were we so happy to see all the changes they'd done!
I didn't get many shots of the changes, although here a shot of Kathrynn putting on a puppet show using the new puppet show frame they had in the play room.
What actually brought us to the library that day was a program on birds. Our library offers so many great programs! This program was on birds and included a craft of making a bird feeder!
The woman leading the class did such a great job talking about birds and their habitat, and how we can help protect their natural habitats.
She even led some fun bird yoga!!!
Kathrynn went up to help with a demonstration of how birds and the land and trees co-exist together. :)
And here she is working on making the bird feeder, which now is in a tree in our back yard! :)
I have so much appreciation and love for our local library! :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Garden is planted!
After a series of days with lovely temperatures, we decided it was time to plant! We were inspired on the warmest day of the year, so far, which was Yesterday. I think it hit the low 70s!!!! It was so warm that Kathrynn got *hot* and had to go inside. lol!!!!
We planted more spinach and more kale to supplement the spinach and kale we already have growing. And then we added 3 kinds of lettuces, collards, broccoli and beets. Yes, we really do love greens in our family. :)
We'll do some more planting once the weather gets warmer.... some herbs in some planters, and then watermelon and pumpkins by the fence like we did last year, i think. And then maybe some cucumbers this year too.
We've joined a CSA again this year, so that feels like a good balance of what we'd like to have on our land, knowing that we'll also get yummy local veggies from a local organic farm. :)
I have a feeling by Monday, we'll see little sprouts coming up, and our already growing spinach and kale and arugula will be on our plates for dinner. :)
Pictures forthcoming of course. xoxo
We planted more spinach and more kale to supplement the spinach and kale we already have growing. And then we added 3 kinds of lettuces, collards, broccoli and beets. Yes, we really do love greens in our family. :)
We'll do some more planting once the weather gets warmer.... some herbs in some planters, and then watermelon and pumpkins by the fence like we did last year, i think. And then maybe some cucumbers this year too.
We've joined a CSA again this year, so that feels like a good balance of what we'd like to have on our land, knowing that we'll also get yummy local veggies from a local organic farm. :)
I have a feeling by Monday, we'll see little sprouts coming up, and our already growing spinach and kale and arugula will be on our plates for dinner. :)
Pictures forthcoming of course. xoxo
Friday, March 5, 2010
First day of gardening!
It was such a beautiful day today.... got to 51!!!!! Kathrynn and I sat on our front porch soaking up the sun, and then Kathrynn had a great idea of going out to our garden! To be honest I was not looking forward to what I *thought* I was going to find, which was a bunch of dead starters..... The cold weather came on fast and furious at the end of the fall, before I could really get much from what i'd planted.... But when we went out this afternoon I found almost a whole row of harvestable spinach!!!! Yipeeeeeeee!
We cleaned out the rest of the garden.....
Found some awesome worms!!!!!
And watered the spinach and the cute little kale that is also coming in!!!
Next up... planing seeds!!!!! Can't wait to start eating out of our garden again!!! :)
We cleaned out the rest of the garden.....
Found some awesome worms!!!!!
And watered the spinach and the cute little kale that is also coming in!!!Next up... planing seeds!!!!! Can't wait to start eating out of our garden again!!! :)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I want more of that feeling.....
I've been listening to a lot of the recorded talks from the World Tapping Summit this week. Fascinating stuff!
This afternoon I listened to Dr. Pat Carrington talk about an interesting EFT approach that she calls choice tapping.
One thing I really appreciate about her talk, and what I want to write about here, is a preliminary task that she spoke about:
Every evening writing down one or two events from your day that brought you a very good feeling, and after you write the event and describe the feeling, you write "I want more of that feeling." It is in line with prosperity or abundance vibration/attraction methods that for me are becoming more a part of my life- taking time throughout my day to notice and be cognizant of the small (and big) sources of abundance in my life. I think that abundance is thought to be something dealing with money or things, but it is so much bigger for me, and when i become aware of how abundant my life is in very small and simple ways, not only do I notice more and more abundance of my life, I feel like more abundance comes my way.
When she was talking about taking time to think about experiences from our day that we want more of, the first thing that came to mind was swimming at the YMCA today. It was great on many levels- I was with Kathrynn and we were both swimming and having fun, really enjoying ourselves. Kathrynn's swimming abilities are AMAZING- I no longer need to be near her when she is swimming and it is amazing to see the new skills she incorporates each time we swim! (At one point today I was swimming under water with my googles on and I could see her in front of me, swimming under water like a dolpin! She looked so cool!!!!)
Getting back to Dr. Pat Carrington's exercise, the idea is to really go in to the feeling of the experience. So for me, yes i felt joy of swimming together with Kathrynn. But I also felt a Joy of Swimming. People that know me well know that I spent over 10 years as a competitive swimmer, and that swimming is definitely NOT something I really enjoy, nor a way I would ever choose to exercise. But today, while Kathrynn was swimming and doing her thing, I decided to do laps.... And it felt GREAT!!!! When thinking of the task at hand (going into the feeling of a moment in my day) I could go back in time and really feel my shoulders and my hands and fingers... how my arm moved through the water... my flip turns and legs kicking.... and it felt great. My body felt great!!!!! It was a very healing kind of experience for me, because toward the end of my swimming career, swimming brought pain to my body and a level of disappointment to my soul, and very little pleasure on a physical level (I became a swim instructor and swim coach, which I did enjoy, as long as I was not doing it. :P )
So today, instead of doing a gratitude list, I am choosing to write about the feelings I had while swimming--- feelings of joy and accomplishment, of being pleased and happy with my body and my bodies abilities, of having the time and space to take part in that joy..... AND I WANT MORE OF THOSE FEELINGS.....
:)
This afternoon I listened to Dr. Pat Carrington talk about an interesting EFT approach that she calls choice tapping.
One thing I really appreciate about her talk, and what I want to write about here, is a preliminary task that she spoke about:
Every evening writing down one or two events from your day that brought you a very good feeling, and after you write the event and describe the feeling, you write "I want more of that feeling." It is in line with prosperity or abundance vibration/attraction methods that for me are becoming more a part of my life- taking time throughout my day to notice and be cognizant of the small (and big) sources of abundance in my life. I think that abundance is thought to be something dealing with money or things, but it is so much bigger for me, and when i become aware of how abundant my life is in very small and simple ways, not only do I notice more and more abundance of my life, I feel like more abundance comes my way.
When she was talking about taking time to think about experiences from our day that we want more of, the first thing that came to mind was swimming at the YMCA today. It was great on many levels- I was with Kathrynn and we were both swimming and having fun, really enjoying ourselves. Kathrynn's swimming abilities are AMAZING- I no longer need to be near her when she is swimming and it is amazing to see the new skills she incorporates each time we swim! (At one point today I was swimming under water with my googles on and I could see her in front of me, swimming under water like a dolpin! She looked so cool!!!!)
Getting back to Dr. Pat Carrington's exercise, the idea is to really go in to the feeling of the experience. So for me, yes i felt joy of swimming together with Kathrynn. But I also felt a Joy of Swimming. People that know me well know that I spent over 10 years as a competitive swimmer, and that swimming is definitely NOT something I really enjoy, nor a way I would ever choose to exercise. But today, while Kathrynn was swimming and doing her thing, I decided to do laps.... And it felt GREAT!!!! When thinking of the task at hand (going into the feeling of a moment in my day) I could go back in time and really feel my shoulders and my hands and fingers... how my arm moved through the water... my flip turns and legs kicking.... and it felt great. My body felt great!!!!! It was a very healing kind of experience for me, because toward the end of my swimming career, swimming brought pain to my body and a level of disappointment to my soul, and very little pleasure on a physical level (I became a swim instructor and swim coach, which I did enjoy, as long as I was not doing it. :P )
So today, instead of doing a gratitude list, I am choosing to write about the feelings I had while swimming--- feelings of joy and accomplishment, of being pleased and happy with my body and my bodies abilities, of having the time and space to take part in that joy..... AND I WANT MORE OF THOSE FEELINGS.....
:)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Feb Joy pix :)
After a very busy December and January, we've been laying low, and really enjoying it. :)
A fun weekend that I blogged about was Valentine's Day weekend- here are some pictures from that weekend-------
Our friend Skye had a fun potluck party with 4 families....
The next day Kathrynn had a very small girls Valentine's Day party.
She worked very hard on making items for her guests at her ceramics class. :)
This past week we had 2 days in a row of high 40s and low 50s- one of those days with the sun shinning so brightly and beautifully! Off to the park we went, on both those days!
It was great to have a couple days at our neighborhood park..... It looks like it will be a couple more weeks until warm temps return. :P
A fun weekend that I blogged about was Valentine's Day weekend- here are some pictures from that weekend-------
Our friend Skye had a fun potluck party with 4 families....
The next day Kathrynn had a very small girls Valentine's Day party.
She worked very hard on making items for her guests at her ceramics class. :)
This past week we had 2 days in a row of high 40s and low 50s- one of those days with the sun shinning so brightly and beautifully! Off to the park we went, on both those days!
It was great to have a couple days at our neighborhood park..... It looks like it will be a couple more weeks until warm temps return. :P
Expectations.....
I was going to name this posting "Joyful Expectations....." but i did not want people to think this was about expecting joy...... although i do think that joy is my "goal" as i live this life. :)
(fwiw, i think people often get the wrong idea of what i mean by Joy. :P I do NOT mean the happy cheerleader visual you might get. I DO mean being authentic and in presence.... with whatever I am experiencing....)
I came across a great article called "The Trap of Expectations"
The Trap of Expectations
It really got me thinking about why we set expectations for ourselves and our children. I am sure that for some it is easier to set expectations for their children then deal with the reasons why they are needing to have those expectations in the first place.
IME whenever we want to control another person, and expectations certainly seem to be tied to control, it is because of our own issues. WE are wanting quiet. WE are wanting "order." WE are wanting our children to behave a certain way to make ourselves feel comfortable, or successful, or important, or liked.... A thousand different ways we try to makes ourselves feel better through our children... rather then facing our own unresolved issues. When we come to terms with our own fear, anger and grief, we can set ourselves free of expectations as well as those around us. It all comes back to our own inner work- and our children are just one of the many mirrors that we create to provide the messages of what it is that we are needing to work on.
(fwiw, i think people often get the wrong idea of what i mean by Joy. :P I do NOT mean the happy cheerleader visual you might get. I DO mean being authentic and in presence.... with whatever I am experiencing....)
I came across a great article called "The Trap of Expectations"
The Trap of Expectations
It really got me thinking about why we set expectations for ourselves and our children. I am sure that for some it is easier to set expectations for their children then deal with the reasons why they are needing to have those expectations in the first place.
IME whenever we want to control another person, and expectations certainly seem to be tied to control, it is because of our own issues. WE are wanting quiet. WE are wanting "order." WE are wanting our children to behave a certain way to make ourselves feel comfortable, or successful, or important, or liked.... A thousand different ways we try to makes ourselves feel better through our children... rather then facing our own unresolved issues. When we come to terms with our own fear, anger and grief, we can set ourselves free of expectations as well as those around us. It all comes back to our own inner work- and our children are just one of the many mirrors that we create to provide the messages of what it is that we are needing to work on.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentine Joy :)
Our Valentine's Day weekend was BUUUUUSYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plans for this weekend started weeks and weeks ago.... and then each week a new event came into our sphere (including one of our own events!) and we decided we'd do all three. :)
Friday night was a mama/daughter sleep over at one of her best friend's house to celebrate her friend's birthday. We had a great time, and left early enough in the day so that we could have some down time before the next event, which was a Valentine's Day party at one of her other best friend's. That too was filled with so much fun. :)
Sunday came and Kathrynn and I were pretty tired! We worked on getting the house ready and I made cookies for the party we were having at our house to celebrate Valentine's Day. Kathrynn was very excited to have this party at our house, as it's become a sort of annual event for her to have a valentine's day party with her girlfriends at our house. She made little candy holders and little hearts at her ceramics class, even going to an extra class so as to get everything done on time. She was very proud of her creations and very excited to gift them to her friends. :)
The "going ons" of the party didn't really matter to her.... she was interested in having friends over to exchange the valentines and to have cookies, and to play games if people wanted.... other then that it was as if the planning of it was more important. :)
This being the third event in three days, we were both pretty tired. At the end of the 2 hour time slot Kathrynn was well aware that she was ready for some peace and quiet. She let me know that she was ready for everyone to go home, and luckily I had some awesome mamas there who helped me facilitate the transition.
I do not regret making the choices we did for the weekend...... I do think that perhaps it was a bit much- a lot of stimulation, sugary foods, and not the usual sleep certainly effected me and seemed to effect Kathrynn as well. At the same time, it seems like we were able to stay connected enough to move through the weekend with awareness and ease (for the most part). And when the end of her party came around, on that third day, I appreciate that she was aware enough to say "that's it..... time for everyone to go." That is not an easy thing for Kathrynn to say, as she loves having her friends over and loves to play. So it was a big step for her to be able to See/Feel what was going on, and to say enough is enough..... I'm Full.
This morning we woke up to 4 or so inches of snow. Knowing her pottery class would probably be canceled, I asked her if she wanted to have her neighbor friend over, or if she wanted to go to her friend's house. She said that she wanted to have a "Mama and Kathrynn" day. While we were playing a game (Wild Ride to the Heart) she said that she was feeling a bit crazy today. She was not acting crazy, but she said she *felt* crazy. Again, I appreciated this awareness, and it led to a nice conversation of what we can do when we feel that way.
I am really appreciating the level of awareness that she has been expressing, and I am also working on not creating expectations based on them.
I am appreciating being a Witness to it All. :)
Plans for this weekend started weeks and weeks ago.... and then each week a new event came into our sphere (including one of our own events!) and we decided we'd do all three. :)
Friday night was a mama/daughter sleep over at one of her best friend's house to celebrate her friend's birthday. We had a great time, and left early enough in the day so that we could have some down time before the next event, which was a Valentine's Day party at one of her other best friend's. That too was filled with so much fun. :)
Sunday came and Kathrynn and I were pretty tired! We worked on getting the house ready and I made cookies for the party we were having at our house to celebrate Valentine's Day. Kathrynn was very excited to have this party at our house, as it's become a sort of annual event for her to have a valentine's day party with her girlfriends at our house. She made little candy holders and little hearts at her ceramics class, even going to an extra class so as to get everything done on time. She was very proud of her creations and very excited to gift them to her friends. :)
The "going ons" of the party didn't really matter to her.... she was interested in having friends over to exchange the valentines and to have cookies, and to play games if people wanted.... other then that it was as if the planning of it was more important. :)
This being the third event in three days, we were both pretty tired. At the end of the 2 hour time slot Kathrynn was well aware that she was ready for some peace and quiet. She let me know that she was ready for everyone to go home, and luckily I had some awesome mamas there who helped me facilitate the transition.
I do not regret making the choices we did for the weekend...... I do think that perhaps it was a bit much- a lot of stimulation, sugary foods, and not the usual sleep certainly effected me and seemed to effect Kathrynn as well. At the same time, it seems like we were able to stay connected enough to move through the weekend with awareness and ease (for the most part). And when the end of her party came around, on that third day, I appreciate that she was aware enough to say "that's it..... time for everyone to go." That is not an easy thing for Kathrynn to say, as she loves having her friends over and loves to play. So it was a big step for her to be able to See/Feel what was going on, and to say enough is enough..... I'm Full.
This morning we woke up to 4 or so inches of snow. Knowing her pottery class would probably be canceled, I asked her if she wanted to have her neighbor friend over, or if she wanted to go to her friend's house. She said that she wanted to have a "Mama and Kathrynn" day. While we were playing a game (Wild Ride to the Heart) she said that she was feeling a bit crazy today. She was not acting crazy, but she said she *felt* crazy. Again, I appreciated this awareness, and it led to a nice conversation of what we can do when we feel that way.
I am really appreciating the level of awareness that she has been expressing, and I am also working on not creating expectations based on them.
I am appreciating being a Witness to it All. :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Gratitude Thursday!
I've been peeling back the layers of webs that had gotten into my mind and covered my eyes from Seeing. This Seeing has brought me closer to the authentic Joy that my child spends her life in. What a blessing for me to be a part of such authenticity!
We've been spending so much time together lately.... she has chosen to watch less tv this week and has opted out of having play dates. The snow fall also led to her class on Wednesday being canceled. All these things meant that we got to spend a ton of time, one on one, with each other. What a wonderful week it's been!
I don't think it's a coincidence that she has chosen to spend more time with me, at the same time that i've chosen to do some deeper internal work. I love how the external mirrors the internal, and that just as i recognized that i had not been Seeing my child as authentically as i could, all these opportunities for connection popped up. I am full of appreciation that I have risen to the occasion, and have able to live in present moment awareness with her on a much higher level then I had been.
I am going to post about 5 things i'm particularly grateful for, when it comes to my joyful girl. :)
1. A game we made up called "Stink Foot"- or something like that. :) I don't really recall how this game came into being.... i think it started from me tickling her, so my super power became "tickle hands." Her feet must have been particularly stinky that day, so her super power became "stinky feet." Her stinky feet would battle my tickle hands. :)
Today this game morphed into a game where we both had 2 super powers. My powers were tickle hands and snuggle arms. Her two powers were stinky feet and magic moves. I kept adding kisses to my snuggle arms, which she didn't appreciate because I was supposed to limit my powers to TWO. lol. After a discussion, we decided it would be much more fun to lift the limitations, so the game morphed into full out super power wresting. We spent over 3 hours playing this game, with her still wanting more. My legs are sore from where her tickle feet got me, so I've requested a break for the day. The amount of joy and connection this game brought to us today has been amazing. :)
2. Another game we've been playing lately is called "don't laugh." lol, you can see where this is going. I make requests that she not laugh, and massive giggles ensue. This morphs in and out of taking turns, and also into trying to make each other laugh. Any time my child is laughing, it's a good thing. I often get lost in her laugh... its like a quick time travel to my inner joy. :)
3. Coloring and crafting. Kathrynn loves to color, and a project we've been working on together lately is coloring her "coloring calender." This week we've done some sewing on the sewing machine, working on a present for her friend (a collage of wild cats) , and valentines for her friends. :)
4. Farmville. Her Grandma Jane gave her the bug when we were in FL, and it's been a great source of fun for us! :) We also love board games- games of all kinds really. So we've been doing our usual board games too. :)
5. Gotta do a father/daughter shout out.... Wes plays xbox or wii with Kathrynn many nights while i get some work done in the next room. Last night they played the Winter Olympics Wii game and it was SO awesome to hear them in the next room. They both had so much fun and it was great to be nearby listening to their joy. :)
((Also needing to give appreciation here to Wes for being fully available to Kathrynn most nights so that I can get work done in the evenings, which helps me to be more fully present during the day. :) ))
<3 <3 <3
We've been spending so much time together lately.... she has chosen to watch less tv this week and has opted out of having play dates. The snow fall also led to her class on Wednesday being canceled. All these things meant that we got to spend a ton of time, one on one, with each other. What a wonderful week it's been!
I don't think it's a coincidence that she has chosen to spend more time with me, at the same time that i've chosen to do some deeper internal work. I love how the external mirrors the internal, and that just as i recognized that i had not been Seeing my child as authentically as i could, all these opportunities for connection popped up. I am full of appreciation that I have risen to the occasion, and have able to live in present moment awareness with her on a much higher level then I had been.
I am going to post about 5 things i'm particularly grateful for, when it comes to my joyful girl. :)
1. A game we made up called "Stink Foot"- or something like that. :) I don't really recall how this game came into being.... i think it started from me tickling her, so my super power became "tickle hands." Her feet must have been particularly stinky that day, so her super power became "stinky feet." Her stinky feet would battle my tickle hands. :)
Today this game morphed into a game where we both had 2 super powers. My powers were tickle hands and snuggle arms. Her two powers were stinky feet and magic moves. I kept adding kisses to my snuggle arms, which she didn't appreciate because I was supposed to limit my powers to TWO. lol. After a discussion, we decided it would be much more fun to lift the limitations, so the game morphed into full out super power wresting. We spent over 3 hours playing this game, with her still wanting more. My legs are sore from where her tickle feet got me, so I've requested a break for the day. The amount of joy and connection this game brought to us today has been amazing. :)
2. Another game we've been playing lately is called "don't laugh." lol, you can see where this is going. I make requests that she not laugh, and massive giggles ensue. This morphs in and out of taking turns, and also into trying to make each other laugh. Any time my child is laughing, it's a good thing. I often get lost in her laugh... its like a quick time travel to my inner joy. :)
3. Coloring and crafting. Kathrynn loves to color, and a project we've been working on together lately is coloring her "coloring calender." This week we've done some sewing on the sewing machine, working on a present for her friend (a collage of wild cats) , and valentines for her friends. :)
4. Farmville. Her Grandma Jane gave her the bug when we were in FL, and it's been a great source of fun for us! :) We also love board games- games of all kinds really. So we've been doing our usual board games too. :)
5. Gotta do a father/daughter shout out.... Wes plays xbox or wii with Kathrynn many nights while i get some work done in the next room. Last night they played the Winter Olympics Wii game and it was SO awesome to hear them in the next room. They both had so much fun and it was great to be nearby listening to their joy. :)
((Also needing to give appreciation here to Wes for being fully available to Kathrynn most nights so that I can get work done in the evenings, which helps me to be more fully present during the day. :) ))
<3 <3 <3
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Internal joys of shifting :)
I've decided to read The Presence Process (by Michael Brown) again.... (I had decided to re-read TPP after Thanksgiving and then didn't. Oh life ect, how you distracted me from my internal presence....)
While finishing Section One, I realized that I am not as fucked up as I thought (haha!) as I was able to See how I have changed since reading it the first time, and also how my life has changed. AND i realized how i have fallen off my presence path. I still know all the lingo and the
process, but it has not been in my Being like it was..... there has been more separation within me..... and it is showing up in my external reality, more and more in fact.
I've now just finished section 3 of TPP (The presence process, written by Michael Brown).... and wanted to share one of the things he said about kids.....
.....(while we are doing our internal work/ our presence process) children "may begin behaving exactly as we did when we were their age. This is because they will also start acting as mirrors so that we can see outside of ourselves the unresolved childhood issues that we are dealing with internally. This is an invitation to watch but not to react.... As we integrate our childhood memories, we automatically release our children from having to carry our baggage.... What we do not deal with is automatically picked up and carried by our children.... When we enter this journey, our children are already carrying our unintegrated issues with in their emotional bodies. As we cleanse our emotional bodies, our children experience a shift in theirs..... Everyone in close proximity to us also begin to process... We must be compassionate with those closest to us... (and) unconcerned as they go through their emotional thus mental and physical adjustments. Remember that they are mirroring us. If we feel compelled to "do" anything, make sure that whatever it is, we do it to ourselves."
I absolutely love that my child is my mirror.... she has nudged me to do internal work like no other, and has been a mirror for me like no other..... This was wonderful for me to read, and was a gentle reminder to stay in my business and also that my business is present moment awareness. i love that part about watching , but not reacting. SO BIG FOR ME HOLY SHIT!!!!
I have been able to Be with my child in a new way since choosing to dive back into TPP. That passage really highlights how I've been feeling lately and the sentiments of how everything is connected. My internal chaos has been mirrored to me via my child in many ways, showing me where I am in my presence process.
Full of appreciation!
While finishing Section One, I realized that I am not as fucked up as I thought (haha!) as I was able to See how I have changed since reading it the first time, and also how my life has changed. AND i realized how i have fallen off my presence path. I still know all the lingo and the
process, but it has not been in my Being like it was..... there has been more separation within me..... and it is showing up in my external reality, more and more in fact.
I've now just finished section 3 of TPP (The presence process, written by Michael Brown).... and wanted to share one of the things he said about kids.....
.....(while we are doing our internal work/ our presence process) children "may begin behaving exactly as we did when we were their age. This is because they will also start acting as mirrors so that we can see outside of ourselves the unresolved childhood issues that we are dealing with internally. This is an invitation to watch but not to react.... As we integrate our childhood memories, we automatically release our children from having to carry our baggage.... What we do not deal with is automatically picked up and carried by our children.... When we enter this journey, our children are already carrying our unintegrated issues with in their emotional bodies. As we cleanse our emotional bodies, our children experience a shift in theirs..... Everyone in close proximity to us also begin to process... We must be compassionate with those closest to us... (and) unconcerned as they go through their emotional thus mental and physical adjustments. Remember that they are mirroring us. If we feel compelled to "do" anything, make sure that whatever it is, we do it to ourselves."
I absolutely love that my child is my mirror.... she has nudged me to do internal work like no other, and has been a mirror for me like no other..... This was wonderful for me to read, and was a gentle reminder to stay in my business and also that my business is present moment awareness. i love that part about watching , but not reacting. SO BIG FOR ME HOLY SHIT!!!!
I have been able to Be with my child in a new way since choosing to dive back into TPP. That passage really highlights how I've been feeling lately and the sentiments of how everything is connected. My internal chaos has been mirrored to me via my child in many ways, showing me where I am in my presence process.
Full of appreciation!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Transitional Joy
The last few months have been filled with such movement.... so much traveling, visitors coming, birthdays celebrated.... From Thanksgiving to just last weekend we have been going in and out of transitions from all of this busy-ness....... And it has not just been external- haha! Never!
Internal movement are always connected to external movement and are connected to internal movement ...... (if you know me at all, you know i'd say the external mirrors the internal ;) but at this point it's all just one huge mirror!)....... and the dust is just starting to settle, as we settle back into our home, our rhythms, our internal journeys- as we are done with traveling and done with visitors. Done with distraction and drama, with excuses ...... WOOOOSH!........
Sinking back into this is exhilarating. It is freeing. And it such a relief!
Much work to do..... inside.
A calling for focus and awareness and desire...... to See, and Authentically move through time and space.
<3 <3 <3
Internal movement are always connected to external movement and are connected to internal movement ...... (if you know me at all, you know i'd say the external mirrors the internal ;) but at this point it's all just one huge mirror!)....... and the dust is just starting to settle, as we settle back into our home, our rhythms, our internal journeys- as we are done with traveling and done with visitors. Done with distraction and drama, with excuses ...... WOOOOSH!........
Sinking back into this is exhilarating. It is freeing. And it such a relief!
Much work to do..... inside.
A calling for focus and awareness and desire...... to See, and Authentically move through time and space.
<3 <3 <3
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Gratitude Wednesday!
Oh it's Wednesday, and so why not go for the gusto of gratitude!
Today I'm grateful for.....
1. My soul sister Kt.... always so grateful to have that connection, and today it was especially wonderful.
2. Sun! We are down in Florida and I am enjoying a nice break from the Indiana overcast and chilly days.....
3. Authenticity of my child..... I am grateful that she is free to share the full gamut of emotions.....
I have grown to appreciate meltdowns and outbursts because they are some of the most authentic expressions of emotions.... I so appreciate being able to be Present with her when she is expressing herself this way.... Likewise, I also love her excitement and joy that spills outward.......and i also so love to be with her when she is full of Joy and wonderment... so contagious!
4. My husband just brought me over some shrimp and shrimp cocktail that ROCKS MY SOCKS, and a cranberry margarita ..... So grateful that my husband has an excellent taste for food and drink, and is able to creatively put both together well!
5. Grateful for the desire to keep on keepin' on.... :)
xoxoxo
Today I'm grateful for.....
1. My soul sister Kt.... always so grateful to have that connection, and today it was especially wonderful.
2. Sun! We are down in Florida and I am enjoying a nice break from the Indiana overcast and chilly days.....
3. Authenticity of my child..... I am grateful that she is free to share the full gamut of emotions.....
I have grown to appreciate meltdowns and outbursts because they are some of the most authentic expressions of emotions.... I so appreciate being able to be Present with her when she is expressing herself this way.... Likewise, I also love her excitement and joy that spills outward.......and i also so love to be with her when she is full of Joy and wonderment... so contagious!
4. My husband just brought me over some shrimp and shrimp cocktail that ROCKS MY SOCKS, and a cranberry margarita ..... So grateful that my husband has an excellent taste for food and drink, and is able to creatively put both together well!
5. Grateful for the desire to keep on keepin' on.... :)
xoxoxo
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Birthday joy!
Oh time you have not been on my side!! Alas! All is well, just a bit busy. :)
Toledo for the holidays/Kathrynn's birthday..... roller skating party for Kathrynn's "kid party"...... a family b'day dinner / celebration on my birthday followed by dinner and dancing (and drinking) the next night for the "adult party".... and now in Orlando, to see Wes' mom and sister (and her family)....
So much fun these days!
Here are some pix for Kathrynn's kids party, my bday, and the adult party the next night....
Cupcakes made by me and decorated by Kathrynn!
This is her third year having her "kid party" at Skateland roller skating rink.... So much fun!
My birthday cake! :)
Not many pix from my "adult b'day party"..... Here are a few while we were at Video Saloon....
Such a fun night out! :)
Let the joyful times continue! <3
Toledo for the holidays/Kathrynn's birthday..... roller skating party for Kathrynn's "kid party"...... a family b'day dinner / celebration on my birthday followed by dinner and dancing (and drinking) the next night for the "adult party".... and now in Orlando, to see Wes' mom and sister (and her family)....
So much fun these days!
Here are some pix for Kathrynn's kids party, my bday, and the adult party the next night....
Cupcakes made by me and decorated by Kathrynn!
This is her third year having her "kid party" at Skateland roller skating rink.... So much fun!
My birthday cake! :)
Not many pix from my "adult b'day party"..... Here are a few while we were at Video Saloon....
Such a fun night out! :)
Let the joyful times continue! <3
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