Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Peaceful parenting, for *me*, not my child......

The other day one of my friends posted this on a yahoo group:
" I love to see my "progress" reflected back to me through my experience of him."

She was talking about how when she does her internal work, it brings about changes not just within her, but outside of her as well, in "him". I agree- I have seen this happen countless times, and sometimes to the extent that the change in someone I'm connected to seems almost miraculous.

I appreciate the "side effects" that can come from doing my internal work.
I have seen "magical" things occur after I've done some clearing away of old stuff. In general, any time I take responsibility for the change I want to see in the my life, an internal shift usually occurs, and is often matched by an external shift. Reading Michael Brown's The Presence Process brought about enormous shifts in my life, internally and externally. More recently, matrix reimprinting, has also brought about a lot of external change to match the internal changes, and it kinda blows me out of the water each time it happens because I am not expecting it *at all*.

I think that for me, the key seems to be me doing my own internal work, with no external assumptions, expectations, or strings attached. ie, I am doing this work FOR ME.

I can see how doing things with other intent in mind backfires on me.....
ie, I am peaceful parenting *so that* I have a peaceful child.

I unknowingly jumped in this bandwagon and let me tell you that the results of me "peacefully parenting" have not always yielded a "peaceful child." *bwg*
I read on various unschooling lists how great it is that when you treat your kids with respect that these kids will also be respectful. That when you are peaceful, your kids are peaceful. I have learned "the hard way" (lol), that setting up the intention that way was a way for me to covertly get what *I* wanted- which was a "product" or a kid that I wanted to be the way I wanted her to be.

Now I am working to be the kind of parent/person that I want to be, for ME. I know that my kid is not here to "reward" me for my choices of parenting, or to make me feel good, ect and so on.

Sometimes I still cringe when I see a person post about how great their kids are and they attribute it to how great they parent. My belief about all this is that each kid and parent have their own path in this world and these paths manifest differently for each parent.
In other words, I still understand the link between peaceful parent and peaceful child, but I feel that it is not always as self apparent as one might believe. and I think that for myself, my intent and my own internal work is "where it's at"- not the desire to produce x, y or z in my child.......

I find myself nodding as I've re-read this- it seems pretty clear. Do your internal work for you. Don't assume that by doing X, your kid is also going to do x. But this parenting stuff is tricky, and even being conscious of the internal desire to work on my own stuff, and not "change" or "produce" a certain kind of kid, does not always mean that I'm living that desire.

I still find myself being kind to my kid, because ultimately I want her to be kind to me. I am sometimes respectful of her desires and her "wants" because ultimately I want her to respect me, and my wants. And at some level, I want her to take responsibility for "making me feel worthy" as a human being, when I know in my heart that *I* am the only one who can truly make me feel worthy as a human being.

Being kind to my kid is a wonderful thing. Being respectful of my kid is a beautiful thing. And being peaceful with my child, is a marvelous thing. They are *not* wonderful, beautiful and marvelous because of the external rewards or payoffs of doing so. They are wonderful because of what they bring about in me- is a true connection to the love that flows in, through, and all around me. And that, for me, is what it's really *All* about.

1 comment:

  1. Great post, so true! hanks for sharing this :)

    ReplyDelete