Thursday, February 25, 2010

I want more of that feeling.....

I've been listening to a lot of the recorded talks from the World Tapping Summit this week. Fascinating stuff!
This afternoon I listened to Dr. Pat Carrington talk about an interesting EFT approach that she calls choice tapping.
One thing I really appreciate about her talk, and what I want to write about here, is a preliminary task that she spoke about:
Every evening writing down one or two events from your day that brought you a very good feeling, and after you write the event and describe the feeling, you write "I want more of that feeling." It is in line with prosperity or abundance vibration/attraction methods that for me are becoming more a part of my life- taking time throughout my day to notice and be cognizant of the small (and big) sources of abundance in my life. I think that abundance is thought to be something dealing with money or things, but it is so much bigger for me, and when i become aware of how abundant my life is in very small and simple ways, not only do I notice more and more abundance of my life, I feel like more abundance comes my way.

When she was talking about taking time to think about experiences from our day that we want more of, the first thing that came to mind was swimming at the YMCA today. It was great on many levels- I was with Kathrynn and we were both swimming and having fun, really enjoying ourselves. Kathrynn's swimming abilities are AMAZING- I no longer need to be near her when she is swimming and it is amazing to see the new skills she incorporates each time we swim! (At one point today I was swimming under water with my googles on and I could see her in front of me, swimming under water like a dolpin! She looked so cool!!!!)

Getting back to
Dr. Pat Carrington's exercise, the idea is to really go in to the feeling of the experience. So for me, yes i felt joy of swimming together with Kathrynn. But I also felt a Joy of Swimming. People that know me well know that I spent over 10 years as a competitive swimmer, and that swimming is definitely NOT something I really enjoy, nor a way I would ever choose to exercise. But today, while Kathrynn was swimming and doing her thing, I decided to do laps.... And it felt GREAT!!!! When thinking of the task at hand (going into the feeling of a moment in my day) I could go back in time and really feel my shoulders and my hands and fingers... how my arm moved through the water... my flip turns and legs kicking.... and it felt great. My body felt great!!!!! It was a very healing kind of experience for me, because toward the end of my swimming career, swimming brought pain to my body and a level of disappointment to my soul, and very little pleasure on a physical level (I became a swim instructor and swim coach, which I did enjoy, as long as I was not doing it. :P )

So today, instead of doing a gratitude list, I am choosing to write about the feelings I had while swimming--- feelings of joy and accomplishment, of being pleased and happy with my body and my bodies abilities, of having the time and space to take part in that joy..... AND I WANT MORE OF THOSE FEELINGS.....


Monday, February 22, 2010

Feb Joy pix :)

After a very busy December and January, we've been laying low, and really enjoying it. :)

A fun weekend that I blogged about was Valentine's Day weekend- here are some pictures from that weekend-------

Our friend Skye had a fun potluck party with 4 families....

The next day Kathrynn had a very small girls Valentine's Day party.

She worked very hard on making items for her guests at her ceramics class. :)

This past week we had 2 days in a row of high 40s and low 50s- one of those days with the sun shinning so brightly and beautifully! Off to the park we went, on both those days!

It was great to have a couple days at our neighborhood park..... It looks like it will be a couple more weeks until warm temps return. :P


I was going to name this posting "Joyful Expectations....." but i did not want people to think this was about expecting joy...... although i do think that joy is my "goal" as i live this life. :)
(fwiw, i think people often get the wrong idea of what i mean by Joy. :P I do NOT mean the happy cheerleader visual you might get. I DO mean being authentic and in presence.... with whatever I am experiencing....)

I came across a great article called "The Trap of Expectations"
The Trap of Expectations

It really got me thinking about why we set expectations for ourselves and our children. I am sure that for some it is easier to set expectations for their children then deal with the reasons why they are needing to have those expectations in the first place.

IME whenever we want to control another person, and expectations certainly seem to be tied to control, it is because of our own issues. WE are wanting quiet. WE are wanting "order." WE are wanting our children to behave a certain way to make ourselves feel comfortable, or successful, or important, or liked.... A thousand different ways we try to makes ourselves feel better through our children... rather then facing our own unresolved issues. When we come to terms with our own fear, anger and grief, we can set ourselves free of expectations as well as those around us. It all comes back to our own inner work- and our children are just one of the many mirrors that we create to provide the messages of what it is that we are needing to work on.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Valentine Joy :)

Our Valentine's Day weekend was BUUUUUSYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plans for this weekend started weeks and weeks ago.... and then each week a new event came into our sphere (including one of our own events!) and we decided we'd do all three. :)

Friday night was a mama/daughter sleep over at one of her best friend's house to celebrate her friend's birthday. We had a great time, and left early enough in the day so that we could have some down time before the next event, which was a Valentine's Day party at one of her other best friend's. That too was filled with so much fun. :)

Sunday came and Kathrynn and I were pretty tired! We worked on getting the house ready and I made cookies for the party we were having at our house to celebrate Valentine's Day. Kathrynn was very excited to have this party at our house, as it's become a sort of annual event for her to have a valentine's day party with her girlfriends at our house. She made little candy holders and little hearts at her ceramics class, even going to an extra class so as to get everything done on time. She was very proud of her creations and very excited to gift them to her friends. :)
The "going ons" of the party didn't really matter to her.... she was interested in having friends over to exchange the valentines and to have cookies, and to play games if people wanted.... other then that it was as if the planning of it was more important. :)

This being the third event in three days, we were both pretty tired. At the end of the 2 hour time slot Kathrynn was well aware that she was ready for some peace and quiet. She let me know that she was ready for everyone to go home, and luckily I had some awesome mamas there who helped me facilitate the transition.

I do not regret making the choices we did for the weekend...... I do think that perhaps it was a bit much- a lot of stimulation, sugary foods, and not the usual sleep certainly effected me and seemed to effect Kathrynn as well. At the same time, it seems like we were able to stay connected enough to move through the weekend with awareness and ease (for the most part). And when the end of her party came around, on that third day, I appreciate that she was aware enough to say "that's it..... time for everyone to go." That is not an easy thing for Kathrynn to say, as she loves having her friends over and loves to play. So it was a big step for her to be able to See/Feel what was going on, and to say enough is enough..... I'm Full.

This morning we woke up to 4 or so inches of snow. Knowing her pottery class would probably be canceled, I asked her if she wanted to have her neighbor friend over, or if she wanted to go to her friend's house. She said that she wanted to have a "Mama and Kathrynn" day. While we were playing a game (Wild Ride to the Heart) she said that she was feeling a bit crazy today. She was not acting crazy, but she said she *felt* crazy. Again, I appreciated this awareness, and it led to a nice conversation of what we can do when we feel that way.

I am really appreciating the level of awareness that she has been expressing, and I am also working on not creating expectations based on them.

I am appreciating being a Witness to it All. :)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Gratitude Thursday!

I've been peeling back the layers of webs that had gotten into my mind and covered my eyes from Seeing. This Seeing has brought me closer to the authentic Joy that my child spends her life in. What a blessing for me to be a part of such authenticity!

We've been spending so much time together lately.... she has chosen to watch less tv this week and has opted out of having play dates. The snow fall also led to her class on Wednesday being canceled. All these things meant that we got to spend a ton of time, one on one, with each other. What a wonderful week it's been!

I don't think it's a coincidence that she has chosen to spend more time with me, at the same time that i've chosen to do some deeper internal work. I love how the external mirrors the internal, and that just as i recognized that i had not been Seeing my child as authentically as i could, all these opportunities for connection popped up. I am full of appreciation that I have risen to the occasion, and have able to live in present moment awareness with her on a much higher level then I had been.

I am going to post about 5 things i'm particularly grateful for, when it comes to my joyful girl. :)

1. A game we made up called "Stink Foot"- or something like that. :) I don't really recall how this game came into being.... i think it started from me tickling her, so my super power became "tickle hands." Her feet must have been particularly stinky that day, so her super power became "stinky feet." Her stinky feet would battle my tickle hands. :)
Today this game morphed into a game where we both had 2 super powers. My powers were tickle hands and snuggle arms. Her two powers were stinky feet and magic moves. I kept adding kisses to my snuggle arms, which she didn't appreciate because I was supposed to limit my powers to TWO. lol. After a discussion, we decided it would be much more fun to lift the limitations, so the game morphed into full out super power wresting. We spent over 3 hours playing this game, with her still wanting more. My legs are sore from where her tickle feet got me, so I've requested a break for the day. The amount of joy and connection this game brought to us today has been amazing. :)

2. Another game we've been playing lately is called "don't laugh." lol, you can see where this is going. I make requests that she not laugh, and massive giggles ensue. This morphs in and out of taking turns, and also into trying to make each other laugh. Any time my child is laughing, it's a good thing. I often get lost in her laugh... its like a quick time travel to my inner joy. :)

3. Coloring and crafting. Kathrynn loves to color, and a project we've been working on together lately is coloring her "coloring calender." This week we've done some sewing on the sewing machine, working on a present for her friend (a collage of wild cats) , and valentines for her friends. :)

4. Farmville. Her Grandma Jane gave her the bug when we were in FL, and it's been a great source of fun for us! :) We also love board games- games of all kinds really. So we've been doing our usual board games too. :)

5. Gotta do a father/daughter shout out.... Wes plays xbox or wii with Kathrynn many nights while i get some work done in the next room. Last night they played the Winter Olympics Wii game and it was SO awesome to hear them in the next room. They both had so much fun and it was great to be nearby listening to their joy. :)
((Also needing to give appreciation here to Wes for being fully available to Kathrynn most nights so that I can get work done in the evenings, which helps me to be more fully present during the day. :) ))

<3 <3 <3

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Internal joys of shifting :)

I've decided to read The Presence Process (by Michael Brown) again.... (I had decided to re-read TPP after Thanksgiving and then didn't. Oh life ect, how you distracted me from my internal presence....)
While finishing Section One, I realized that I am not as fucked up as I thought (haha!) as I was able to See how I have changed since reading it the first time, and also how my life has changed. AND i realized how i have fallen off my presence path. I still know all the lingo and the
process, but it has not been in my Being like it was..... there has been more separation within me..... and it is showing up in my external reality, more and more in fact.

I've now just finished section 3 of TPP (The presence process, written by Michael Brown).... and wanted to share one of the things he said about kids.....

.....(while we are doing our internal work/ our presence process) children "may begin behaving exactly as we did when we were their age. This is because they will also start acting as mirrors so that we can see outside of ourselves the unresolved childhood issues that we are dealing with internally. This is an invitation to watch but not to react.... As we integrate our childhood memories, we automatically release our children from having to carry our baggage.... What we do not deal with is automatically picked up and carried by our children.... When we enter this journey, our children are already carrying our unintegrated issues with in their emotional bodies. As we cleanse our emotional bodies, our children experience a shift in theirs..... Everyone in close proximity to us also begin to process... We must be compassionate with those closest to us... (and) unconcerned as they go through their emotional thus mental and physical adjustments. Remember that they are mirroring us. If we feel compelled to "do" anything, make sure that whatever it is, we do it to ourselves."

I absolutely love that my child is my mirror.... she has nudged me to do internal work like no other, and has been a mirror for me like no other..... This was wonderful for me to read, and was a gentle reminder to stay in my business and also that my business is present moment awareness. i love that part about watching , but not reacting. SO BIG FOR ME HOLY SHIT!!!!

I have been able to Be with my child in a new way since choosing to dive back into TPP. That passage really highlights how I've been feeling lately and the sentiments of how everything is connected. My internal chaos has been mirrored to me via my child in many ways, showing me where I am in my presence process.

Full of appreciation!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Transitional Joy

The last few months have been filled with such movement.... so much traveling, visitors coming, birthdays celebrated.... From Thanksgiving to just last weekend we have been going in and out of transitions from all of this busy-ness....... And it has not just been external- haha! Never!
Internal movement are always connected to external movement and are connected to internal movement ...... (if you know me at all, you know i'd say the external mirrors the internal ;) but at this point it's all just one huge mirror!)....... and the dust is just starting to settle, as we settle back into our home, our rhythms, our internal journeys- as we are done with traveling and done with visitors. Done with distraction and drama, with excuses ...... WOOOOSH!........

Sinking back into this is exhilarating. It is freeing. And it such a relief!
Much work to do..... inside.
A calling for focus and awareness and desire...... to See, and Authentically move through time and space.

<3 <3 <3