Saturday, October 24, 2009

Breath. Feel. Awareness...... All is well....

Yesterday I had an interesting interaction with a man about unschooling. I was at an open market, just off the square down town Sante Fe. I was wearing a shirt that said "I am blogging this." I man started to engage me in conversation, based on my tshirt. The man was probably in his early 40s- good looking, hair shoulder length, with some grey streaking his otherwise dark hair. He asked me, "Are you really blogging right now?" And that is how we began to converse. He asked me a serious of question, leading up to "What do you blog about." I told him that i blog about my family, and especially my 6 year old daughter. He was curious what was so interesting about our lives that made me want to blog. (Funny question, huh?!?!?) I asked him if he'd ever heard of unschooling.

Now, to pause this for a second, I rarely engage in strangers about our educational choices, and when i do, i rarely use the word unschooling, even though that is what we're doing, if you have to label it. Somehow i choose to use the word unschooling with him, rather then my usual word choice of homeschooling.

Anyway! So he claimed to be unfamiliar, so i told him it was a form of homeschooling. He asked me some more questions, I answered. I felt it to be a lovely transaction thus far, and I was feeling the love of my little girl in my heart so vibrantly, I was feeling the love of our lives so passionately, and as always I was in full appreciation for this vibrant life that i live.


He told me that he knew someone who raised their kids like that, and what a DIS-SERVICE it was to the kids..... <> I certainly was not expecting this, and yet there it was, and so the conversation continued. I explained that I personally could not remember anything much beyond multiplication, even though I have been schooled to the graduate school level. Sure, it woul come back to me, should i need to review it. Ie, I could re-learn it if ever need be. I explained that there are a lot of subjects taught that one never uses, "just in case." I asked him if he wanted to learn racquetball, what would he do. He said he'd learn it. Exactly! I said. When a person wants to learn something, they learn about it! No need to make someone learn how to play raquetball, JUST IN CASE they might, by chance, want play it down the road sometime..... He seemed to follow me, but had that doubters look still on his face. That look that he didn't buy it..... My friends, who had been elsewhere, returned to me at that moment, and it was time to leave. I said to this man, "I love my life. And my child loves her life. Have a great day." And off I walked smiling.

I was full of emotion at that point. I was filled with a level of exuberance and passion for my life and the choices we've made. The passion could have been fueled into more gratitude for my life.
Instead I felt anger towards that man. I was angry that he felt the right to turn a friendly conversation into a critique of my parenting. "Who was this man, to question MY parenting!!!!"
Those kind of angry thoughts filled my head. I couldn't shake it....

When I had a chance to relax and feel what was going on, a number of things came to me. Ala Byron Katie, I realized that I too sometimes offer my opinion when it is not asked for. That I too sometimes lack a level of openness to hear new ideas. That I too sometimes lack that trust that *it is all good*. That I too sometimes am not expanded and become limited in my thoughts. This led me to have compassion for this man, for myself, and i started to do some Ho'oponopono: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I saw myself in him, and him back in me, and it lead me to heal those parts of me that needed healing. That part of me that sometimes desperately wants to be understood and accepted, because when I was growing up I often was *not* understood or accepted for who I was.

Over the next few hours I continued to go inward and feel, and I eventually felt hands, as if they were my mothers, or the hands of the Universe, or an adult me. Those hands were stroking though my hair, as a young girl. Those hands were caressing me and loving me. They were UNCONDITIONALLY loving and accepting me, every part of me. :)

I *am* unconditionally loved and accepted by the Universe, always. The key is staying tapped into that, and not in my fears, past, or judgments that separate me from that authenticity of Being.

I am full of appreciation for that man, and for my Self. All *is* well. <3

1 comment:

  1. I found it! I was already following your blog :) Of course, not following it *well* but, anyway. I love this post! It's a new favorite! I can't believe he almost baited you, but I'm so impressed that you felt Joy as you walked away. I'm not sure I could've done that! Thank you Thank You Thank You for sharing the details of your process here! I need it!