Dear Trust- we've come a long way baby, you and me :)

One thing that I've been thinking about lately due to some recent conversations is how much I really love living our days together in the way that we do. I have recently been reminded of how much fear people have in regards to homeschooling, and I feel immense gratitude and appreciation that I was exposed to the ideas of homeschooling and unschooling when Kathrynn was less then a year old.

At that time I was learning how to Trust my baby- trust that it was ok to follow her nursing needs, her sleeping needs, her exploring and sleeping needs. I was learning to tune out what others thought was best, and what others expected me to do, and instead listen to my child and listen to my self. I continued to learn to unravel my own issues/conditioning/fears so that I could partner with her. This kept on continuing- my Trust building and building and building. It didn't happen magically for me. It happened through a lot of internal work, and through finding supportive networks that helped me challenge those old fears so that I could continue to build that Trust with my child and family.

I now realize that most people who are AP (attachment parents) have a certain amount of Trust with their babies, but then as they age, and become X year old, they slowly loose the trust that they had in/ with their child..... This is so sad for me to hear, because our children never loose that need to have our trust.

I am remarkably grateful and perhaps even lucky that I have a level of trust that enables me to be with my child on her path. This path has brought me an immense amount of inner growth, and an extreme amount of external joy.

Trust, Presence, Listening.....

This entery was prompted by the Daily Groove I found in my email In box from Scott Noelle, which you will find at the bottom. :)

Its been an intense week for my family. Wes has his work dramas, I've been going through some rather intense internal changes and Kathrynn has been going through her own intensities. I don't know if its food allergies (i've just learned that something she's been eating daily contains a high amount of gluten- which she responds to if she gets too much off), or if its just her own internal shifts....
It all is almost TOOOOO much for me!!!!!!

Luckily i have wonderful support systems in my life- wonderful friends and some invaluable yahoo groups keep me targeted on what is important in my life and for my own growth.

There are three things that i've been really focusing on....

Trust, Presence, Listening.....
They are all interlinked and work together- ie, I have a hard time listening when i am not present. :)


Trust- I trust that it is all perfect, as it is playing out. It may not "seem" perfect, if i have my controling glasses on. But if i have my "expansive" glasses on I see that there is way more then meets the eye, and everything has its purpose. :) As Byron Katie would say, Loving what IS.

Presence- To be still enough, unconditionally watching and Being. This stillness allows me to just BE. Sometimes that means feeling love and joy, and sometimes it means feeling agitaion or frustration. But if i am present, then i can feel things things w/o reaction. I can choose not to attach a reaction to that emotion or to the "story" that I have in my mind. Being Present allows me to love and connect with K more then anything. :)

Listening- Listening to what is triggering me... to what "story" i am playing out in my mind.... and then seperating from that story. After all, it is *just* a story. Questioning those stories that lead to yuchy feelings leads me to Freedom.
Lately one of the stories that i've been questioning is that I am responsible for my families happiness and health. Another story that i'm deconstructing is that happiness and health are interdependent. I am trying to be Present enough to Listen to when these stories pop up, and then Trust enough in my process.

I love this unschooling life, as it motivates me to keep pulling at the layers and layers and layers.... Joy and Freedom are always the end result. :)
=================================================================


THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: Leading-edge Parenting Requires Faith ::

Parenting on the leading edge -- nonviolently,
unconditionally, creatively -- is an act of faith.

There's no guarantee that it will "work," and
there's no shortage of naysayers who are quick
to tell you it will NOT work.

Blind faith is believing what others tell you, but
*authentic faith* is trusting your Inner Guidance,
a.k.a. intuition, inspiration, instincts, or gut
feelings.

For this style of parenting to work, you have to
(a) stay checked in with your Guidance, (b) follow
it, and (c) accept that it takes *time* for inner
changes to be reflected in outer conditions
(including children's behavior).

Fortunately, you don't have to wait for those
outer changes. You can practice the Art of
Unconditionality and enjoy parenting now!

http://dailygroove.net/faith


Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2009 by Scott Noelle

Authentic Dentist Joy!

I am so grateful that authenticity is a high priority in our life! We have talked with Kathrynn about visiting the dentist many times over the years, and just when she thought she was interested in going she would change her mind. Each time this happened we respected her feelings regarding going to the dentist and postponed going. We trusted she would be ready in her own Time. And luckily, due to her genes or just plain luck, she's never had any major need of visiting a dentist before that time came.

About a month ago she decided she was ready! We set up an appointment time and she literally counted down the days! She had a GREAT visit! Her experience at the dentist was 100% positive.
I'm so glad we waited until she was ready and never pushed her to go before she was ready. :)

While at the appointment, she listened to the advice of the hygienist and dentist with interest, and once home she immediately began implementing what she'd learned!
Each morning, without me saying a thing, she has been brushing her teeth and flossing. She does the same thing each evening. After hearing war stories from other parents about "getting" their kids to brush their teeth, by force if necessary, I felt so blessed over how we have been able to avoid any power struggles and have a positive experience about her dental care.

Beautiful! 4 day clothes and all ;)

I had the following conversation with Kathrynn the other morning:


me: here's some clothes to change into. [I put some clothes down next to where she is and then leave the room]

[I return a few minutes later to see the clothes untouched and that she is also not interested in them]

me: we have to go soon (Spanish class, which she loves!), lets get your clothes changed (offering to help her)

k: why do i have to change my clothes?

me: well, you've been wearing them since sat. That's 4 days. Don't you think that's long enough?

K: well, not exactly.

me: ok then!

She played for a few more minutes and then we were out the door!
================================================================

I love this conversation for a few reasons.....

I love the authenticity of our exchange and the honesty of our words. You may note the baggage and presumption that I still have, that after 4 days, clothes should be changed! I tried very hard to speak them with out judgment or shame, and more out of genuine inquiry. I *think* I succeeded. :) I love that after hearing my words, she was able to honestly reply that she did not agree with my assessment..... AND I love how I listened to her short response, and respected it.

(After re-reading the exchange, I am reminded how hurried we were that morning, and how normally I would have asked her if she was interested changing her clothes, and if she'd like to pick something out or if she'd like me to.... And I also am made aware of my secret agenda for her to change her clothes, by skipping asking her, and just going straight to picking out clothes for her...... I love how it is all so revealing and allows me to See.)

Sometimes its hard for me to see Kathrynn wearing clothes that are mismatched, disheveled, stained, maybe even a bit too big or small in sizing. This also transfers over to her hair-- she doesn't like it brushed or combed when it is dry, so this only occurs after we've showered or bathed. Which means that about 2 day a week, or maybe 1 day a week, her hair is shinny and brushed and "pretty." The other days its a bit tangled and stuck together. lol I'm taken back to when I was a girl, and my mom didn't allow me to have long hair because my hair was "stringy" and it didn't look as nice (to *her*) long as it did short. I understand the "idea" of this discomfort, but then........

I look at my Beautiful and Shinning child, and realize that she is who she IS- tangled hair and disheveled clothes included. And that THAT is also Beautiful and Shinning. In fact, it is ESPECIALLY Beautiful and Shinning!

The judgments I place on things such as clothes and the hair of my child limits my ability to just Be with her. It can get in the way of my ability to love All of her, and love her for who she Is.
I'm not interested in things that get in my way of Being with her. :)

I was at a library program long ago and they were getting some video footage for their public television channel, and I remember telling one of the librarians that people who saw the video might think my child lived inside of a car- her clothes had spots on them and her hair had not been brushed in days. The librarian looked at me and told me how beautiful my child was. And I looked at Kathrynn, and saw her Joy, and I smiled because YES! my child was beautiful! Kathrynn *is* beautiful- All the time, in each Moment.

She is beautiful when she is smiling or frowning or laughing or crying. She is beautiful when she puts on her favorite dress and when her hair is freshly combed. And she is beautiful when she is wearing clothes for the 4th day in a row, and her hair hasn't seem a comb in two or so days. It's All beautiful. :)

I know each kid is different and that it is not necessarily indicative of anything specific. But sometimes I can't help but get Joy out of how unaware Kathrynn is somewhat oblivious about how she looks and how others might judge her for how she looks. I secretely love that Kathrynn doesn't care what she's wearing, or if it is like the "other girls" or if it looks "cool" or if she looks "pretty." She knows, because I've told her, that she is Pretty in each Moment. All the time.

I love that she loves Being. Raw and unencombered by the "rules" of society. Free to be who she is. Without the baggage of "looks."

Hrm.... makes me realize how much baggage I have regarding all this for myself. Once again, Kathrynn, my Guru, tearing down my illusions. I am grateful for it. :)

Life is Beautiful. :)