I had the following conversation with Kathrynn the other morning:
me: here's some clothes to change into. [I put some clothes down next to where she is and then leave the room]
[I return a few minutes later to see the clothes untouched and that she is also not interested in them]
me: we have to go soon (Spanish class, which she loves!), lets get your clothes changed (offering to help her)
k: why do i have to change my clothes?
me: well, you've been wearing them since sat. That's 4 days. Don't you think that's long enough?
K: well, not exactly.
me: ok then!
She played for a few more minutes and then we were out the door!
I love this conversation for a few reasons.....
I love the authenticity of our exchange and the honesty of our words. You may note the baggage and presumption that I still have, that after 4 days, clothes should be changed! I tried very hard to speak them with out judgment or shame, and more out of genuine inquiry. I *think* I succeeded. :) I love that after hearing my words, she was able to honestly reply that she did not agree with my assessment..... AND I love how I listened to her short response, and respected it.
(After re-reading the exchange, I am reminded how hurried we were that morning, and how normally I would have asked her if she was interested changing her clothes, and if she'd like to pick something out or if she'd like me to.... And I also am made aware of my secret agenda for her to change her clothes, by skipping asking her, and just going straight to picking out clothes for her...... I love how it is all so revealing and allows me to See.)
Sometimes its hard for me to see Kathrynn wearing clothes that are mismatched, disheveled, stained, maybe even a bit too big or small in sizing. This also transfers over to her hair-- she doesn't like it brushed or combed when it is dry, so this only occurs after we've showered or bathed. Which means that about 2 day a week, or maybe 1 day a week, her hair is shinny and brushed and "pretty." The other days its a bit tangled and stuck together. lol I'm taken back to when I was a girl, and my mom didn't allow me to have long hair because my hair was "stringy" and it didn't look as nice (to *her*) long as it did short. I understand the "idea" of this discomfort, but then........
I look at my Beautiful and Shinning child, and realize that she is who she IS- tangled hair and disheveled clothes included. And that THAT is also Beautiful and Shinning. In fact, it is ESPECIALLY Beautiful and Shinning!
The judgments I place on things such as clothes and the hair of my child limits my ability to just Be with her. It can get in the way of my ability to love All of her, and love her for who she Is.
I'm not interested in things that get in my way of Being with her. :)
I was at a library program long ago and they were getting some video footage for their public television channel, and I remember telling one of the librarians that people who saw the video might think my child lived inside of a car- her clothes had spots on them and her hair had not been brushed in days. The librarian looked at me and told me how beautiful my child was. And I looked at Kathrynn, and saw her Joy, and I smiled because YES! my child was beautiful! Kathrynn *is* beautiful- All the time, in each Moment.
She is beautiful when she is smiling or frowning or laughing or crying. She is beautiful when she puts on her favorite dress and when her hair is freshly combed. And she is beautiful when she is wearing clothes for the 4th day in a row, and her hair hasn't seem a comb in two or so days. It's All beautiful. :)
I know each kid is different and that it is not necessarily indicative of anything specific. But sometimes I can't help but get Joy out of how unaware Kathrynn is somewhat oblivious about how she looks and how others might judge her for how she looks. I secretely love that Kathrynn doesn't care what she's wearing, or if it is like the "other girls" or if it looks "cool" or if she looks "pretty." She knows, because I've told her, that she is Pretty in each Moment. All the time.
I love that she loves Being. Raw and unencombered by the "rules" of society. Free to be who she is. Without the baggage of "looks."
Hrm.... makes me realize how much baggage I have regarding all this for myself. Once again, Kathrynn, my Guru, tearing down my illusions. I am grateful for it. :)
Life is Beautiful. :)