Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Not in a rush in our own mind.....

My friend text'd me to tell me about this great quote she found while reading a magazine...
"If we are not in a rush with our own mind, we have the patience to let things unfold...."

I wish I could give credit to whomever authored this sentence, but it so captures my life sometimes.....

Mothering a child who feels BIG.... being a woman who is highly sensitive her self, and tends to feel "bigness" as well..... it is important for me to be able to be Still in times of "duress."

My mother in law left monday after being here for a week. Kathrynn always has a hard time transitioning after visits (or sometimes during visits) to places or when people visit here...... When her known energetic environment shifts, as occurs when we visit family or they visit us, she has to transition back to homeostasis once the visitors are gone (or sometimes even while we are still w/ family if the visit is long enough). This process is all unspoken, and so even more difficult to understand.

When I follow the road map of her behaviors, I am able to see the chaos and the "out of sorts" feelings she is experiencing. During these times she has "melt downs" and her ability to be flexible to the ebbs and flows of life diminsh greatly. It is them my job to "not rush in my own mind", but instead to be Centered and Still and Present for her.... to allow her to fully process whatever she is experiencing, and be there for her when she comes out on the other side. When i try to resist this process, it goes horribly.... Both of us wind up in tears. When i wait it out, things unfold almost Magically..... The end of the world can seem be near, but then with the next breath she is somewhere else energetically and has moved to a new place of Being.

This has been our last couple days. The world crashing down on us, Connecting, Listening, Loving, Waiting......transitioning into being secure in the world and ready to leap tall buildings with a single bound.... Rinse. Repeat. Breath. Reminding myself that All *is* Well.

Each time the world seems to be crumbling down around us- each time those emotions are *so* BIG!!!- I still often feel a twinge of "Oh No!" Then i breath, and remember the process. That it *will* be ok. That is is ok *now*. That with patience, things will unfold. Keeping my mind from feeling the anxiety and worry and desperation that my daughter is feeling is crucial. Those are not *my* feelings.... those are HERS. And I can not help her by mimicing them in myself.

Keeping my mind Still, not in a rush to find solutions or to make the world "perfect" for her, allows that unfolding to occur in a peaceful and magical way. Even if i have a hard time feeling the peace and magic while it is happening, I always look back on it and See it clearly, when I have Choosen to be Patient. What is more exciting for me is that now, after all these years, even while its happening , i think i *finally* can get a glimpse of that peace and magic *while* the chaos still ensues. I have started to Believe in the beauty of Presence and Patience.

With each episode I am left both exhausted and exhilerated..... That Bigness is a lot for me to process. But coming out on the other side is AMAZING. This parenting stuff..... its amazing. :)

1 comment:

  1. Oh this hits home for me. I am always thankful and awed when I manage to maintain my own sense of calm and peace during Walter's meltdowns. It *always* goes better. Meltdowns always end regardless of how I react to them, but usually it's my reaction that determines how they will end. I'm trying so hard to do just what you've written here. Sometimes I succeed. We are all learning.