Thursday, December 25, 2008
Happy Birthday Kathrynn. :)
Kathrynn is 6 years old today!!!! Wow! Of course, I can recall her birth like it was just like yesterday… trying to get home, in a snowstorm, so we could birth our baby at home….. We made it, and kathrynn was born at 4:56 am, on December 25th. Making those phone calls to our immediate families, a couple hours later, was pure joy and bliss. ☺
I was living in an ashram back then, with a person who at that time was my spiritual guru. Three years later we had moved on (nothing like a child to challenge the ego of a spiritual teacher…..), and it wasn’t long before I realized that my true spiritual teacher was none other then my child.
Kathrynn has taught me more about myself, about the world, about my husband, and about family, about the world, then any “spiritual guru.” She has taught me about patience , how to be compassionate, what mindfulness , surrender, and internal peace are all about, and how to enjoy the joy of each and every moment as it presents itself to me, in all its many guises. She has also taught me something about unconditional love and unconditional support- loving and supporting her for HER; her joys and desires and interests…. And not mine. :P This is still something I’m learning, and every day she is motivation to “do better.”
She has taught me over and over what it means to be in each moment, be patient with that moment, until that moment is gone, and a new one has taken its place. It has taken me years to learn this one, and I’m still learning. I was reminded last night of the first three months of Kathrynn’s life- it was bittersweet; moments of extreme joy intermeshed with moments of extreme heart wrenching pain (colic/food allergies). Enduring those seemingly endless crying episodes and night terrors those first few months was SO difficult. I was recalling this last night, because she had a series of night terrors. It had been a long, long time, and it caught me off guard. I tried to fight it, change it, stop it. In the end, I just laid with her, connecting to her energetically, and was Present for her physically as well. I was reminded how often we have to stop ourselves as parents from holding onto that fear of uncertainty, so tightly, so desperately. Instead we have to release that moment, so that the inevitable change can come upon us, and that moment can be freed up, to turn into the next moment. If come from the right perspective, I find that next moment often involves Peace, joy and release. ☺
I have a lot of work to do with worry, as it is a Meuser family trait-- worry about media, food, health, friends, ect….. but I have started to learn that I when I become really focused on something, and I'm worrying about it, it becomes a LARGE part of my reality, of that Moment, and into the next, and next…. That worry and fear trickles into my reality, more and more and more…. It disables my ability to live and breath Joy. When I somehow recognize the spiral I'm creating, and step out of it, and then relax and see each moment, in and of itself, and then release it, I am able to Observe Joy revealing herself to me, in that moment, and throughout each moment of that day, and EVERYTHING starts to shift.
Phew. I could go on and on and on. My daughter, my spiritual teacher, my guide, my muse and mentor. My Partner. This thing called Mothering is truly wonderful. I am blessed. Happy Birthday Kathrynn. ☺