I'm visiting my 94 yo grandmother this weekend. It's been a wonderful couple of days. :)
She lives in a retirement village, of sorts, and it so quiet and serene here.
I have been visiting her since Thursday evening and it has been SOOOO wonderful! The quiet, the time and space.... it is amazing and rejuvenating and very peaceful for me. It has given me some SPACE to listen to my thoughts and to enjoy Present moments with EASE. lol
As i sit here, in a little nook down the hall from her apartment, i am overhearing some kind of a rehearsal going on in the apartments , and there is an accordion playing--- such an unusual sound for me to hear and so splendid that it makes me fill with joy and wonderment.
Today at lunch there was a couple- the husband was putting all of his wife's lunch into a blender and blending it to a swallowable consistency. Mimi (my g'ma) brought it up later and explained how her husband does this every meal for her, since she had a stroke 6 years prior. Mimi sighed and said how pathetic it was, as the woman was unable to chew, talk (other then 'hi') and barely move. (the woman was in a wheel chair, and was sitting mostly upright it seemed....)
When Mimi said how pathetic she was, I told her that it was so hard to know how that woman's life was for her- that she might be in a place of beautiful peace. I explained how I try to question thoughts such as those (ie judgements) bc who knows- maybe that person is in a place closer to "god" then we can't even imagine. When I had seen the woman in the cafeteria, I had an interesting self dialogue over what that woman might possibly be experiencing.... maybe extreme joy, maybe peace, maybe anger..... who knows? What her husband was doing for her seemed beautiful. :)
After I suggested this "not knowing" to Mimi, I then empathized with Mimi about how difficult it must be to go through a stroke. I had to remind myself where *her* comments might be coming from....
We then went back to playing cards- a favorite past time of ours that has brought us such joy and connection since I was a little girl. :)
I have been walking around this place, and being with Mimi- watching and listening and just loving what is. I have been listening to my own discomfort when Mimi's 'rigidity' brushes up my own 'rigidity' and i have to laugh at myself. :)
I just love how Michael Brown (The Presence Process) breaks it down- watch as if you were watching a tv show. Pay attention to the emotional response (not to who is doing the triggering, but what the emotion that is triggered is)..... feel it.......trace it back..... where is it coming from? I love how his book has really opened up a new level of responsibility but also freedom for me..... and while i may not meditate on 'his' schedule, i do find myself doing continual breathing almost all the time now. So i am personally glad that i was fairly regimented in the beginning about doing it every morning and night bc it "trained" my body to breath with consciousness. The result has been a different level of peace and presence for me. :)
So grateful to be here..... and also grateful to hear the delicious tidbits from home. I am excited about going home and uniting with Wes and Kathrynn, and yet am just Present here and now. Loving what Is......